I was having a discussion with my twin the other day. We are both 27 and have both been married and divorced. We both said we would never get married again. Me personally I feel like if we love eachother we don't need a legal document stating that. I would love to actually wear the dress and have a ceremony I didn't do that when I got married but I don't want it to be legally binding. I would rather someone spend their life with me because he feels like I add to it and he can't be without me. Not because he has a legal document saying he has to do so.
I now realize this way of thinking is because I'm not completely healed from my divorce yet. I am over the man and I'm over the marriage and I thought that was enough. I didn't realize I had to heal from the divorce as well. By me saying I'm opposed to marriage I could be potentially making another man pay for the mistakes of my exhusband while thinking I'm completely healed. I understand all men are not the same and there are good ones out there. I know I wouldn't wanna pay for the mistakes of another woman so its not fair to make someone pay for the mistakes of my ex as well.
Now that I understand that line of thinking was dead wrong I pray that I am able to overcome my fears so that I may love and trust completely. No rush tho I am a work in progress
Friday, December 24, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Loves Taken Over
So I've only ever been in love once before and I'm not sure that was real but I'm in love now and its real. When I'm with him people stop and stare and tell me how great we are together. Its so obvious that everyone around us can tell.
I remember being exhausted after a 12hr trip on different planes to get to him. I took a shower tied my hair up and went to bed and he watched Sunday night football.I was sleeping and woke up cause I felt him staring at me. When I looked at him the look in his eyes were so telling of his feelings that no words were needed. That's the moment I knew it was real. They say every couple has that one moment when you know you've found the one. The moment you want to live in forever and never end. I believe that was our moment. Me in my pink durag sleeping and the look in his eyes when I looked up at him. When I catch him looking at me with that look in his eyes it sends chills up my spine every time.
Its so hard being so far away sometimes...well all the time. Neither of us are what you call very emotionally expressive people. I'm working on this and make conscious effort to tell him my feelings. Its hard to know where u stand when you're dealing with someone like this. Its very hard to feel secure. I struggled with this until recently. I realize now that my insecurities were in fact not him at all. My insecurities were me. I really wanted any excuse to run the opposite way and not feel. Not feeling means not getting hurt. I think that's natural to feel that way after you have been hurt alot. When I sit and think about it I have no reason to feel insecure in the relationship if anything I should feel very secure. Everybody loves different and just because they don't love like you do doesn't mean they don't love. I realize I can come off as cold, distant inconsiderate and as if I don't care when I really do. I realize this and try to vocalize it because if I don't say it my actions may not always show it. On the other hand he has done nothing but show me where I stand with him and let me completely in his life in all areas. I was indeed tripping.
Love is not an emotion love is in fact a choice. Just like you choose to love someone when they are making you feel great, when loving them is easy. You have to choose to love that person when they are unlovable and at their worst. Loving someone when they are at their worst is no easy task. That's the hard part of loving someone. That's the part where people give up and walk away. Love is something you give freely and not for it to be reciprocated back.
Ive decided to stop tripping and let it be.
I remember being exhausted after a 12hr trip on different planes to get to him. I took a shower tied my hair up and went to bed and he watched Sunday night football.I was sleeping and woke up cause I felt him staring at me. When I looked at him the look in his eyes were so telling of his feelings that no words were needed. That's the moment I knew it was real. They say every couple has that one moment when you know you've found the one. The moment you want to live in forever and never end. I believe that was our moment. Me in my pink durag sleeping and the look in his eyes when I looked up at him. When I catch him looking at me with that look in his eyes it sends chills up my spine every time.
Its so hard being so far away sometimes...well all the time. Neither of us are what you call very emotionally expressive people. I'm working on this and make conscious effort to tell him my feelings. Its hard to know where u stand when you're dealing with someone like this. Its very hard to feel secure. I struggled with this until recently. I realize now that my insecurities were in fact not him at all. My insecurities were me. I really wanted any excuse to run the opposite way and not feel. Not feeling means not getting hurt. I think that's natural to feel that way after you have been hurt alot. When I sit and think about it I have no reason to feel insecure in the relationship if anything I should feel very secure. Everybody loves different and just because they don't love like you do doesn't mean they don't love. I realize I can come off as cold, distant inconsiderate and as if I don't care when I really do. I realize this and try to vocalize it because if I don't say it my actions may not always show it. On the other hand he has done nothing but show me where I stand with him and let me completely in his life in all areas. I was indeed tripping.
Love is not an emotion love is in fact a choice. Just like you choose to love someone when they are making you feel great, when loving them is easy. You have to choose to love that person when they are unlovable and at their worst. Loving someone when they are at their worst is no easy task. That's the hard part of loving someone. That's the part where people give up and walk away. Love is something you give freely and not for it to be reciprocated back.
Ive decided to stop tripping and let it be.
The Flowers
"Now we're just a memory and its hard the think about it. About the love I left behind I cant help but think what could I have done about it. But deep inside I know its your fault that im not there. Once you put aside your pride I know you saw it so clearly that youre nearly losing your mind tryna remind through what you did and didnt do. So im telling you, you shoulda did so much more to show you love me.
Im wishing you woulda gave me the flowers when I could smell them and im wishing you woulda held me for hours when I was around. Now theres nothing you can do but to wish I was with you. But its too little to late, to late to press rewind to go back in time. Theres nothing you can do im no longer missing you. You shoulda gave me the flowers when I could smell them cause now im gone."
Its crazy cause it seems like alot of men I dealt with in the past all wanna come back at the same time. The thing is im not in the least bit interested. After I get over it im over it and I dont backslide. Ive only ever done the back slide once and that was the man I married so that proves that I shoulda never violated the no backslide rule since that shit didnt work out. I dont regret it I got my beautiful little boys out the deal and also the lesson that I dont backslide.
I was most recently in a relationship with a man for a year. It was a LDR and it only became a problem when I realized I was putting in all the work in the relationship. I really did believe I loved him but maybe in hindsight I didnt. Leaving him and putting myself first was so easy and almost completely painless.
The whole situation was ridiculous I feel as if I wasted a year of my life. He could tell me how much he loved me all day but when it came time to show and prove he always had some excuse why he couldnt. He used his mother alot of the time and thats when he did feel like offering up an excuse.
I dealt with it because coming out of the marriage I was in and the horrible relationship with the rebound guy who was worse than my exhusband he wasnt that bad. It was like ok so he never does what he says hes gonna do but atleast he doesnt talk bad to me or put his hands on me. Then it dawned on me one day that no he wasnt right breaking all the promises he made and I got over it and over him. I told him I felt like he would never have a real life as long as he took care of him mom and I wasnt gonna make him choose so I chose for me and chose myself.
Now he talkin about moving here and wants to see me when he gets to town. I really dont know how to feel about this because I cant offer anything more than my friendship. Ive moved on and im happy with someone else and even if that wasnt the case I dont backslide.
The sayings go you dont know what you got till its gone and you never miss your water till your well runs dry. Im not saying that Im perfect in relationships but you can ask any one of my ex's including my exhusband and they will probably tell you my little quirks were nothing compared to what it could be and has been with other women.
When you have someone who really loves you and you really love them, make sure you treat them right or someone else will and you will regret that you didnt.
Im wishing you woulda gave me the flowers when I could smell them and im wishing you woulda held me for hours when I was around. Now theres nothing you can do but to wish I was with you. But its too little to late, to late to press rewind to go back in time. Theres nothing you can do im no longer missing you. You shoulda gave me the flowers when I could smell them cause now im gone."
Its crazy cause it seems like alot of men I dealt with in the past all wanna come back at the same time. The thing is im not in the least bit interested. After I get over it im over it and I dont backslide. Ive only ever done the back slide once and that was the man I married so that proves that I shoulda never violated the no backslide rule since that shit didnt work out. I dont regret it I got my beautiful little boys out the deal and also the lesson that I dont backslide.
I was most recently in a relationship with a man for a year. It was a LDR and it only became a problem when I realized I was putting in all the work in the relationship. I really did believe I loved him but maybe in hindsight I didnt. Leaving him and putting myself first was so easy and almost completely painless.
The whole situation was ridiculous I feel as if I wasted a year of my life. He could tell me how much he loved me all day but when it came time to show and prove he always had some excuse why he couldnt. He used his mother alot of the time and thats when he did feel like offering up an excuse.
I dealt with it because coming out of the marriage I was in and the horrible relationship with the rebound guy who was worse than my exhusband he wasnt that bad. It was like ok so he never does what he says hes gonna do but atleast he doesnt talk bad to me or put his hands on me. Then it dawned on me one day that no he wasnt right breaking all the promises he made and I got over it and over him. I told him I felt like he would never have a real life as long as he took care of him mom and I wasnt gonna make him choose so I chose for me and chose myself.
Now he talkin about moving here and wants to see me when he gets to town. I really dont know how to feel about this because I cant offer anything more than my friendship. Ive moved on and im happy with someone else and even if that wasnt the case I dont backslide.
The sayings go you dont know what you got till its gone and you never miss your water till your well runs dry. Im not saying that Im perfect in relationships but you can ask any one of my ex's including my exhusband and they will probably tell you my little quirks were nothing compared to what it could be and has been with other women.
When you have someone who really loves you and you really love them, make sure you treat them right or someone else will and you will regret that you didnt.
Do You Remember When
When you're in a new relationship it seems like everything about that person is beautiful. Its all smiles and butterflies at first. They call everyday send sweet notes ask about your day and make you feel uber important. Then 5 or 6 mos down the line when she used to cook everyday you're now eating take out. Those high heels he used to love you to wear he no longer offers a foot rub.
You have been duped. You fell for that persons representative. I think we all put up a front when we're getting to know someone. Its only natural to feel the need to protect yourself until you are sure of that person and their motives. I have been guilty of using a representative on occasion myself.
I am a really laid back woman. I'm easy to get along with and very submissive in relationships. Its taken a lot for me to be comfortable enough with who I am so now I have no problem giving you who I am upfront the good with the bad.
So what do you do when u discover Prince Charming or Ms Right was only a representative and the real them is nowhere near the person you fell for initially?
Well now you have to make a decision. Is the person they really are that bad that you cant deal? Were you guilty of using a representative as well? Are they maybe disappointed in who you turned out to be. Sometimes the real person turns out to be better than the representative.
You have been duped. You fell for that persons representative. I think we all put up a front when we're getting to know someone. Its only natural to feel the need to protect yourself until you are sure of that person and their motives. I have been guilty of using a representative on occasion myself.
I am a really laid back woman. I'm easy to get along with and very submissive in relationships. Its taken a lot for me to be comfortable enough with who I am so now I have no problem giving you who I am upfront the good with the bad.
So what do you do when u discover Prince Charming or Ms Right was only a representative and the real them is nowhere near the person you fell for initially?
Well now you have to make a decision. Is the person they really are that bad that you cant deal? Were you guilty of using a representative as well? Are they maybe disappointed in who you turned out to be. Sometimes the real person turns out to be better than the representative.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
It Kills Me
I swear I love being a Virgo woman after all we are the most desired sign in the zodiac. We do have our downside tho. We tend to over analyze things, thoughts and feelings. Also we tend to be kinda nit picky. I'm definitely guilty of those things. I'm a really inviting person. If you spend 5 minutes with me you will feel like you have known me forever. Now while you feel this way I on the other hand, well I'm checking you out because I'm not open to letting everyone in. I have been told at times I come off as cold and abrasive in situations where I really do care. A lot of times its unintentional but its as if I have to be like that to protect myself from being taken advantage of. I get taken advantage of a whole lot because I am a giving and genuine person. Virgo is the peace maker and we want everyone around us happy no matter what. So I'm trying to work on being more emotionally expressive with those I care about. This is hard for me because I don't like to be in my emotions like that. I just had a semi emotional talk with someone and I feel sick to my stomach as a result. It literally makes me physically ill to have to dig in my emotions. That's also another Virgo trait. I've read about it before but I'm just now starting to notice that I always do that. Its like my nerves get bad and I want to throw up at the thought of being emotionally vulnerable to another person. Oh well I just wanted venting
Sunday, November 7, 2010
His Mistakes
As many of you know I was married before and you know my exhusband and I had a physically abusive marriage. I was with my exhusband off and on again from the time I was 17 till I was 21 and we were married when I was 21 till I was 24. Because I suffered from low self esteem and I got with him so young I didnt know who I really was. Im a virgo and virgo women are naturally submissive by nature. We cant help it. It was very easy for him to come in and tell me who I should be. He told me who I was, who my friends were, how to dress, how to act, how to talk, how to live and how to be.
He treated me like an object I was his most prized possesion. He used to tell me all the time I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen yet he would constantly tear me down and make me hurt. I see now in hindsight it wasnt love on either part.
I had a guy who waited for me to leave my exhusband and pounced on me when I actually did. He played to role of the concerned friend. In reality I didnt see what he really was. A predator. I got with him shortly after I left my exhusband and he was no better. Though he never hit me he was alot worse in alot of ways. I wasnt allowed to have friends. He hated all of them and made me cut every one off. I remember once trying to go out for girls night and he tagged along with us and was the only man. We would fight when I wanted to go out although he could see his friends whenever he wanted. We even fought over my choice in attire. I remember one time he made me have sex when I didnt want to and I was to scared to say no so I just laid there and let him. Im sure he noticed the tears that fell but he didnt even seem to care. He would always threaten to leave me and I didnt think I could do any better so I would beg him to stay. The last time he threatened to leave I just let him. He ended up begging me to come back and I said no.
I remember riding down Dixie Hwy listening to Mariah Carey's song Last Kiss. I cried so hard I almost couldnt see the road but by the time I got home I was over him and over the situation. Thats a day I will never forget and that song is so special to me now and always will be. Looking back in hindsight that wasnt love either.
It wasnt love with either of them because I didnt love myself. I can say that because at the time I didnt know myself to love myself. So I decided to do what alot of women will not do. I took some alone time for me. I dated a few different guys but I took a time out to really get to know myself because I didnt have the slightest clue who I was at all.
I never knew how sweet, funny, loving and giving I was. I learned that I am random and spontaneous. Not only am I beautiful on the outside but on the inside as well. Now that im in touch with who I really am I am ready to let someone in. I did have a relationship with a really nice man who is about 10years older than me for about a year after all of this. He treated me really good actually and we are cool till this day. I actually was in love with him but the timing just wasnt right for us. Didnt work out but maybe I wasnt as serious as I thought I was about him.
Ive actually taken from all those experiences and grew. Im not holding on to what those men did to me because that wasnt me. The girl who went thru all that is long gone. Im okay with being me and im okay with being by myself. I know that the next man should never have to pay for the last mans mistakes.
He treated me like an object I was his most prized possesion. He used to tell me all the time I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen yet he would constantly tear me down and make me hurt. I see now in hindsight it wasnt love on either part.
I had a guy who waited for me to leave my exhusband and pounced on me when I actually did. He played to role of the concerned friend. In reality I didnt see what he really was. A predator. I got with him shortly after I left my exhusband and he was no better. Though he never hit me he was alot worse in alot of ways. I wasnt allowed to have friends. He hated all of them and made me cut every one off. I remember once trying to go out for girls night and he tagged along with us and was the only man. We would fight when I wanted to go out although he could see his friends whenever he wanted. We even fought over my choice in attire. I remember one time he made me have sex when I didnt want to and I was to scared to say no so I just laid there and let him. Im sure he noticed the tears that fell but he didnt even seem to care. He would always threaten to leave me and I didnt think I could do any better so I would beg him to stay. The last time he threatened to leave I just let him. He ended up begging me to come back and I said no.
I remember riding down Dixie Hwy listening to Mariah Carey's song Last Kiss. I cried so hard I almost couldnt see the road but by the time I got home I was over him and over the situation. Thats a day I will never forget and that song is so special to me now and always will be. Looking back in hindsight that wasnt love either.
It wasnt love with either of them because I didnt love myself. I can say that because at the time I didnt know myself to love myself. So I decided to do what alot of women will not do. I took some alone time for me. I dated a few different guys but I took a time out to really get to know myself because I didnt have the slightest clue who I was at all.
I never knew how sweet, funny, loving and giving I was. I learned that I am random and spontaneous. Not only am I beautiful on the outside but on the inside as well. Now that im in touch with who I really am I am ready to let someone in. I did have a relationship with a really nice man who is about 10years older than me for about a year after all of this. He treated me really good actually and we are cool till this day. I actually was in love with him but the timing just wasnt right for us. Didnt work out but maybe I wasnt as serious as I thought I was about him.
Ive actually taken from all those experiences and grew. Im not holding on to what those men did to me because that wasnt me. The girl who went thru all that is long gone. Im okay with being me and im okay with being by myself. I know that the next man should never have to pay for the last mans mistakes.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I'm Cheating
So today one of my girlfriends called and said she needed me to go to Chicago with her for a weekend. I ask why and to cut a long story short she wants to "sow her oats" before she gets married. In my opinion she has a good man. He has been a father to her 6yr old since he was 2 and he goes above and beyond the call of duty. Well according to her when they first started dating 4yrs ago he cheated and she has been holding on to it. She seems to think this little get back will help her get over it.
I advised her not to do it. I dont think cheating now is the answer and also if she aint over it by now she would never be over it and maybe she shouldnt marry him. I wouldnt be any kind of friend if I just said yeah girl lets go and I helped her cheat now would I?
Then I sit down to watch Dr. Phil someone told me to dvr. This man had a wife and a girlfriend. For 5years he had them both,they know about each other and they both want him. The girlfriend was a long distance relationship and moved to be closer. This asshole suggested she buy the house next door to his. He told the girlfriend he and his wife lived as roomates and as soon as he got her through school he was gonna leave to be with her. He then asked his wife for an open marriage so his kids wouldnt suffer the effects of divorce. She actually thought about considering it.
His reasoning for the affair was his wife slacked off and he wasnt getting what he needed at home and hes afraid if he quits the girlfriend his wife will go back to the way she was. His wife actually stepped her game up when she caught him cheating. This man blamed everyone but himself for this affair. Sad thing is both women are sitting by waiting for him to make a decision because they both love him.
This is a prime example of the 80/20 rule. We all know the rule but for those who dont let me explain. In a relationship/marriage you only get about 80% of your needs met. So when someone comes along offering what you aint getting at home 20% it looks pretty good, but all u usually end up with is 20%. You have essentially traded 80% for 20% and your a jack ass for that.
If I was his wife I woulda packed his shit up and sent him to be with his 20% I personally think she suffers from low self esteem. They both do! What confident woman would settle for only half a husband? What confident woman would be content to play second fiddle to a mans wife? Hes sleeping with both of them unprotected so you know what that means? Both women have essentially slept with eachother!!! If thats not enough to make them see the light I doubt anything will make them see.
Immediately after watching this I felt the urge to call my significant other. I needed to tell him I appreciate him being the man he is simply because there are not alot of good men left out there. Even with us being long distance and spending roughly 5days together a month I never wonder what hes doing and who he is with. It is so nice to know he only has eyes for me. In a time when nothing is sacred anymore its good to know I can count on him to do right by me.
I feel really bad for the women who know their man is cheating and stay with him. Pussy makes the world go round. If women would stop underestimating the power of the pussy maybe these men would act better. I guarantee if u tell a man he cant get none without std test having a steady job or whatever he would take care of business. As long as they know they can get away with it they will. Im not gonna say men are the only ones who cheat cause women do too. I just mentioned my friend earlier in this blog. I seriously hope she heeds my advice and reevaluates her relationship before she walks down the isle.
If you have gotten nothing from this blog take this. If you dont love yourself no one else is going to. If you dont respect yourself no one else is going to.
I advised her not to do it. I dont think cheating now is the answer and also if she aint over it by now she would never be over it and maybe she shouldnt marry him. I wouldnt be any kind of friend if I just said yeah girl lets go and I helped her cheat now would I?
Then I sit down to watch Dr. Phil someone told me to dvr. This man had a wife and a girlfriend. For 5years he had them both,they know about each other and they both want him. The girlfriend was a long distance relationship and moved to be closer. This asshole suggested she buy the house next door to his. He told the girlfriend he and his wife lived as roomates and as soon as he got her through school he was gonna leave to be with her. He then asked his wife for an open marriage so his kids wouldnt suffer the effects of divorce. She actually thought about considering it.
His reasoning for the affair was his wife slacked off and he wasnt getting what he needed at home and hes afraid if he quits the girlfriend his wife will go back to the way she was. His wife actually stepped her game up when she caught him cheating. This man blamed everyone but himself for this affair. Sad thing is both women are sitting by waiting for him to make a decision because they both love him.
This is a prime example of the 80/20 rule. We all know the rule but for those who dont let me explain. In a relationship/marriage you only get about 80% of your needs met. So when someone comes along offering what you aint getting at home 20% it looks pretty good, but all u usually end up with is 20%. You have essentially traded 80% for 20% and your a jack ass for that.
If I was his wife I woulda packed his shit up and sent him to be with his 20% I personally think she suffers from low self esteem. They both do! What confident woman would settle for only half a husband? What confident woman would be content to play second fiddle to a mans wife? Hes sleeping with both of them unprotected so you know what that means? Both women have essentially slept with eachother!!! If thats not enough to make them see the light I doubt anything will make them see.
Immediately after watching this I felt the urge to call my significant other. I needed to tell him I appreciate him being the man he is simply because there are not alot of good men left out there. Even with us being long distance and spending roughly 5days together a month I never wonder what hes doing and who he is with. It is so nice to know he only has eyes for me. In a time when nothing is sacred anymore its good to know I can count on him to do right by me.
I feel really bad for the women who know their man is cheating and stay with him. Pussy makes the world go round. If women would stop underestimating the power of the pussy maybe these men would act better. I guarantee if u tell a man he cant get none without std test having a steady job or whatever he would take care of business. As long as they know they can get away with it they will. Im not gonna say men are the only ones who cheat cause women do too. I just mentioned my friend earlier in this blog. I seriously hope she heeds my advice and reevaluates her relationship before she walks down the isle.
If you have gotten nothing from this blog take this. If you dont love yourself no one else is going to. If you dont respect yourself no one else is going to.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
A Gift From Virgo
I know everyone loves their zodiac sign but I swear I love being a Virgo woman. I read somewhere that the Virgo woman is the most desired sign in the zodiac and I bet that is very true. Especially if all Virgo women are like me.
The Virgo is represented by the virgin. Many people thought that meant that virgos are kinda funny when it comes to sex and maybe even prude. Being represented by the virgin is symbolic of all things sexual. Virgos are very experimental in the sheets. Me personally I need commitment and stability then its no holds barred we can do whatever. Which is probably why it took so long for me to have a one night stand and I never did it again after that. I have continued to sleep with people who were terrible in bed just because I dont like to sleep around.
Virgo women are also very submissive. I totally believe in letting a man be a man and encouraging him to be a man. I know I get on my boyfriends nerves when I visit him because he thinks im indecisive. Im not indecisive at all and I can make choices but I just think he should. Just like you would never catch me driving him around. Even if he gotta drive my car he drives unless he physically cant.
Virgo women love neatness cleanliness and order.
What man wouldnt love to be with a freaky woman who wont emasculate him and keep his home in perfect order? The Virgo woman is the perfect catch lol
The Virgo is represented by the virgin. Many people thought that meant that virgos are kinda funny when it comes to sex and maybe even prude. Being represented by the virgin is symbolic of all things sexual. Virgos are very experimental in the sheets. Me personally I need commitment and stability then its no holds barred we can do whatever. Which is probably why it took so long for me to have a one night stand and I never did it again after that. I have continued to sleep with people who were terrible in bed just because I dont like to sleep around.
Virgo women are also very submissive. I totally believe in letting a man be a man and encouraging him to be a man. I know I get on my boyfriends nerves when I visit him because he thinks im indecisive. Im not indecisive at all and I can make choices but I just think he should. Just like you would never catch me driving him around. Even if he gotta drive my car he drives unless he physically cant.
Virgo women love neatness cleanliness and order.
What man wouldnt love to be with a freaky woman who wont emasculate him and keep his home in perfect order? The Virgo woman is the perfect catch lol
I Think I Love You
So I know those of you who regularly read my blog are sick and damn tired of hearing about my fabulous significant other and how great he is. Well ya'll just jealous cause ain't to many good men out there and I snagged one. I feel like he may be the one and I want it all right now but at the same time this is scary and I wanna slow down but I'm not gonna do that cause hey you only live once right?
How soon is to soon to define a relationship? This is a discussion Ive been having with a lot of my girlfriends here lately. We as women wanna know are men really into us or are they tricking us cause cuffin season is in full bloom?
One of my girlfriends is super confused because she has gotten comfortable with a guy. Hes sleeping over every night, they are being unprotected during sex and acting as a couple. She initiates the lets define our relationship talk and he tells her she is smothering him and he cant breathe.
We decided the best thing for her to do was fall back and that's what she did. She even had a date with another guy even though she really wanted to be with him. The things we women must do to make a man behave. He eventually called her and was tryna feel her out. He got scared and did what most scared little boys who pose as men do. He ran.
Another friend of mine is tryna sort her feelings out for a guy who came out and said he don't do relationships but has been kinda settling into one with her. If she says she wants more than what hes giving she then comes off as pushy and runs the risk of running him off but if she says nothing then he will never know how she feels.
Why are men so afraid of letting go and giving into a woman? Especially when we make it clear we don't wanna hurt them. What is so hard about be honest about your feelings?
How soon is to soon to define a relationship? This is a discussion Ive been having with a lot of my girlfriends here lately. We as women wanna know are men really into us or are they tricking us cause cuffin season is in full bloom?
One of my girlfriends is super confused because she has gotten comfortable with a guy. Hes sleeping over every night, they are being unprotected during sex and acting as a couple. She initiates the lets define our relationship talk and he tells her she is smothering him and he cant breathe.
We decided the best thing for her to do was fall back and that's what she did. She even had a date with another guy even though she really wanted to be with him. The things we women must do to make a man behave. He eventually called her and was tryna feel her out. He got scared and did what most scared little boys who pose as men do. He ran.
Another friend of mine is tryna sort her feelings out for a guy who came out and said he don't do relationships but has been kinda settling into one with her. If she says she wants more than what hes giving she then comes off as pushy and runs the risk of running him off but if she says nothing then he will never know how she feels.
Why are men so afraid of letting go and giving into a woman? Especially when we make it clear we don't wanna hurt them. What is so hard about be honest about your feelings?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Before He Cheats
My fave Carrie Underwood song is called "Before He Cheats". Its about revenge on a cheating boyfriend. I don't really think my significant other would cheat but if he did I don't think I would exact revenge on him like that. I think living with what he did and what it cost him is punishment enough but again I don't worry about it.
This morning I got a text from a guy I know from high school. He text every once in a while just regular stuff you know "hey" "whats up" "what are you doing today" So today when he text and I said well what are you doing today he replied back "You" it led into well I have a boyfriend, you're engaged and I smashed one of your friends repeatedly awhile back so its just not gonna happen. He comes back with well we go back since before time.
I have known him since 9th grade but that means nothing. What I do know is this he's engaged to his college sweetheart. She is not from here and she recently moved here to be with him. I'm currently involved in a long distance relationship also. I'm trying to prepare myself to make that big move to his city to be closer him as well. There is no way I would cheat on him cause that's just not gonna happen but if I were going to there is no way I could cause hurt to another woman in the same position as me.
When you establish a relationship you're supposed to stay true to that. I thought the idea of a relationship was to see how far it can go. Cant go very far if you're not putting your all in and putting your energy elsewhere. I will admit in the past I haven't viewed relationships that way. It was more like this is nice and I'm gonna enjoy it as long as it last. Even with that state of mind I never cheated. It's just really not in me to be disloyal and dishonest but that's how my siblings and I were raised. Mom always said there was nothing worse than a liar.
I was cheated on by an ex and it was that experience that really helped me understand why cheating was wrong. It wasn't the dishonesty that hurt me it wasn't the secrets, the lies, or the betrayal that hurt me the most. What hurt me was when my baby was 6 weeks old I had to have my doctor test me for all STDs. It was the fact that his careless act could had potentially cost me my life. That's what hurt the most. I hope everyone reading this is aware that condoms really only protect from just a few STDs and mostly just prevent pregnancy and also that if u engage in oral sex with someone and they have STDs you now have them in your mouth so the use of a condom is pointless. These are things you should think about when you are single but when you're involved in a relationship its not just you're life its the life of your lover as well.
Before you cheat think about what that one senseless act could do to your significant other.
This morning I got a text from a guy I know from high school. He text every once in a while just regular stuff you know "hey" "whats up" "what are you doing today" So today when he text and I said well what are you doing today he replied back "You" it led into well I have a boyfriend, you're engaged and I smashed one of your friends repeatedly awhile back so its just not gonna happen. He comes back with well we go back since before time.
I have known him since 9th grade but that means nothing. What I do know is this he's engaged to his college sweetheart. She is not from here and she recently moved here to be with him. I'm currently involved in a long distance relationship also. I'm trying to prepare myself to make that big move to his city to be closer him as well. There is no way I would cheat on him cause that's just not gonna happen but if I were going to there is no way I could cause hurt to another woman in the same position as me.
When you establish a relationship you're supposed to stay true to that. I thought the idea of a relationship was to see how far it can go. Cant go very far if you're not putting your all in and putting your energy elsewhere. I will admit in the past I haven't viewed relationships that way. It was more like this is nice and I'm gonna enjoy it as long as it last. Even with that state of mind I never cheated. It's just really not in me to be disloyal and dishonest but that's how my siblings and I were raised. Mom always said there was nothing worse than a liar.
I was cheated on by an ex and it was that experience that really helped me understand why cheating was wrong. It wasn't the dishonesty that hurt me it wasn't the secrets, the lies, or the betrayal that hurt me the most. What hurt me was when my baby was 6 weeks old I had to have my doctor test me for all STDs. It was the fact that his careless act could had potentially cost me my life. That's what hurt the most. I hope everyone reading this is aware that condoms really only protect from just a few STDs and mostly just prevent pregnancy and also that if u engage in oral sex with someone and they have STDs you now have them in your mouth so the use of a condom is pointless. These are things you should think about when you are single but when you're involved in a relationship its not just you're life its the life of your lover as well.
Before you cheat think about what that one senseless act could do to your significant other.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Is It a Crime???
Ive always believe all is fair in love and war. Everyone is fair game unless they are married but these days that doesn't seem to matter either. The last few guys I've talked to I did ask if there was another woman in the picture and made it clear I didn't care if there was. I really didn't care but then again if there was another woman involved why were they on the phone with me? Why had I been allowed to catch their attention to even have the opportunity to say this? Tell you what though I feel this way if another woman even thinks about steppin to my man she and I are gonna have issue. "The man is mine, he belongs to me, you are not gonna take my man from me" Sorry I was talking about a episode of Boondocks with a friend earlier.
With cuffing season in full effect my blackberry is ringing off the hook. I'm tempted to change my damn number! There are people calling I barely remember giving my number to. When I say "oh yeah James I do remember when met back in May u shoulda called sooner I have a boyfriend." They usually respond with "well are you happy" Well yes I'm very happy with him or I wouldn't had mentioned him to you cause I wouldn't be with him.
My male followers on twitter are insisting on getting to know me better. Let me say this I am strictly against meeting people on the net predators live there I did it once and got extremely lucky he just may be the one but if for some reason it don't work out I can cross "long distance relationship with a man from twitter" off my bucket list.
I'm getting unfollowed left and right by guys who get mad that I wont treat twitter as match.com. No sir I am not gonna give you my number, I am not gonna send you any nudes and you cannot have a piece of my candy.
I just got asked on a date today by someone who knows I have a boyfriend and simply doesn't care.
I can appreciate not letting another man get in your way when you see something you want but if at first you don't succeed then baby its called stalking!
With cuffing season in full effect my blackberry is ringing off the hook. I'm tempted to change my damn number! There are people calling I barely remember giving my number to. When I say "oh yeah James I do remember when met back in May u shoulda called sooner I have a boyfriend." They usually respond with "well are you happy" Well yes I'm very happy with him or I wouldn't had mentioned him to you cause I wouldn't be with him.
My male followers on twitter are insisting on getting to know me better. Let me say this I am strictly against meeting people on the net predators live there I did it once and got extremely lucky he just may be the one but if for some reason it don't work out I can cross "long distance relationship with a man from twitter" off my bucket list.
I'm getting unfollowed left and right by guys who get mad that I wont treat twitter as match.com. No sir I am not gonna give you my number, I am not gonna send you any nudes and you cannot have a piece of my candy.
I just got asked on a date today by someone who knows I have a boyfriend and simply doesn't care.
I can appreciate not letting another man get in your way when you see something you want but if at first you don't succeed then baby its called stalking!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Huhsaywhatnow??? 0_o
Anyone who has ever seen the Maury Show knows they are famous for 2 things. Paternity test and lie detector test. I have seen men on the show where their significant other has found blood in their underwear, scratches on their back condoms in the car and they still pass the lie detector. Now with all this evidence they have got to be fuckin somebody so how are they passing this test? Because Maury is askin the wrong damn question!!! Instead of have you had sexual relations with any woman other than your wife they should ask have you been fuckin men!!! Yeah I said it you read it right. Have you been fuckin men???
These days it is real common for men to be sexin other men. Have you guys seen the movie Cover? I suggest you go pick it up and watch. Just last week I had a discussion with some trannys who decided to out one of my followers as a bisxual. They saw him tweet me a lot and thought something was up with this man and me. One of the tweets from her and I quote "he sucks dick make your decision" wow that's heavy right. I told her he could suck all the dicks he wanted and I didn't care as long as it wasn't my man suckin dick. To which she responded "if he was you wouldn't know unless you walked in on him and if he is down low he would never let that happen" That really got me thinkin. Though I don't question the sexuality of my significant other I should care for the other women out there who didn't question their mans sexuality. The women who have been infected with HIV because their man loves to fuck other men in secret.
I saw a woman on Oprah who was infected with HIV and since she found out she had it first she assumed the blame for bringing the disease into her marriage. He let her take the blame knowing he had been having sexual relations with men. This asshole even had the nerve to solicit sex from other married men who were also infected with HIV on the net.
Ladies if you feel your man is cheating and you cannot prove it was with another woman please investigate further. Could save your life. Men if you care about your woman don't cheat on her with anybody male or female that's selfish. Every time you cheat on your partner you are potentially endangering their life because you run the risk of bringing diseases back to them. Why would you do that to someone you care about???
These days it is real common for men to be sexin other men. Have you guys seen the movie Cover? I suggest you go pick it up and watch. Just last week I had a discussion with some trannys who decided to out one of my followers as a bisxual. They saw him tweet me a lot and thought something was up with this man and me. One of the tweets from her and I quote "he sucks dick make your decision" wow that's heavy right. I told her he could suck all the dicks he wanted and I didn't care as long as it wasn't my man suckin dick. To which she responded "if he was you wouldn't know unless you walked in on him and if he is down low he would never let that happen" That really got me thinkin. Though I don't question the sexuality of my significant other I should care for the other women out there who didn't question their mans sexuality. The women who have been infected with HIV because their man loves to fuck other men in secret.
I saw a woman on Oprah who was infected with HIV and since she found out she had it first she assumed the blame for bringing the disease into her marriage. He let her take the blame knowing he had been having sexual relations with men. This asshole even had the nerve to solicit sex from other married men who were also infected with HIV on the net.
Ladies if you feel your man is cheating and you cannot prove it was with another woman please investigate further. Could save your life. Men if you care about your woman don't cheat on her with anybody male or female that's selfish. Every time you cheat on your partner you are potentially endangering their life because you run the risk of bringing diseases back to them. Why would you do that to someone you care about???
Interesting
Describe yourself using only music titles from your favorite artist.
Using only song titles from one artist and cleverly answer these quetions.
Pick an artist: Teena Marie
This was kinda hard cause im a huge Teena fan. If my life were a movie she would be the whole soundtrack cause anything u could go through she has a song for it.
1. Are you a male or a female: Lover Girl
2.Describe yourself: Off The Chain
3.How do you feel about yourself: Star Child
4. Describe your exboyfriend/girlfriend: I Cant Love Anymore
5.Describe your current boy/girl situaton: Baby Im your Fiend(that mans kisses are like crack)
6.Describe your current location:Out on a Limb
7.Describe where you want to be: Portugese Love
8.Your bestfriend(s) is/are: I got you
9.Your favorite color is: Black Rain
10. You know that: Love is a Gangsta
11.Whats the weather like: You Make love like springtime
12. If your life was a television show what would it be called: Sleeping with the Enemy
13.What is life to you: Air I Breathe
14. What is the best advice you have to give: Make it Hot
15.If you could change your name what would you change it to?: Honey Call
Using only song titles from one artist and cleverly answer these quetions.
Pick an artist: Teena Marie
This was kinda hard cause im a huge Teena fan. If my life were a movie she would be the whole soundtrack cause anything u could go through she has a song for it.
1. Are you a male or a female: Lover Girl
2.Describe yourself: Off The Chain
3.How do you feel about yourself: Star Child
4. Describe your exboyfriend/girlfriend: I Cant Love Anymore
5.Describe your current boy/girl situaton: Baby Im your Fiend(that mans kisses are like crack)
6.Describe your current location:Out on a Limb
7.Describe where you want to be: Portugese Love
8.Your bestfriend(s) is/are: I got you
9.Your favorite color is: Black Rain
10. You know that: Love is a Gangsta
11.Whats the weather like: You Make love like springtime
12. If your life was a television show what would it be called: Sleeping with the Enemy
13.What is life to you: Air I Breathe
14. What is the best advice you have to give: Make it Hot
15.If you could change your name what would you change it to?: Honey Call
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Love is Stronger Than Pride
The interesting thing about twitter is it puts you in contact with so many different people from everywhere. Ive developed a sister like bond with one of my followers. Shes about the same age as my sister and we have developed the kinda relationship I always wanted with my own sister but that's another blog topic.
Anyway these last few weeks we have been discussing a relationship she is in over gtalk. Shes involved with a guy and is developing feelings for this guy and is fighting it tooth and nail. From what she tells me he is a nice guy and hes definitely into her. So why is she fighting these feelings? She said because love hurts to much and she doesn't wanna feel the hurt.
Isn't it human nature for us to wanna protect ourselves from anything we feel may cause us harm? Falling in love with someone is scary because of all the risk involved. What if the love you feel is not reciprocated? What if they decide one day that they've changed their mind and don't love you anymore? Falling in love is in fact giving into that other person and I think that is what scares most people.
Ive only ever been in love once in my life. I wasn't even in love with my exhusband and I knew it when I married him but that's also another blog as well.
The one time that I was in love with someone after a year I realized he didn't feel the same way about me as I felt about him though he said he did. I got over it and ended it. Was actually quite painless like ripping a band aid off. You know how it hurts for a second and then the pain goes away. Only after I broke up with him did he decide he wanted to show me his love but it was just to late. Maybe I didn't love him either.
Maybe I'm no different than she is. After all I only wanna give my heart to someone after we've developed a bond and I feel safe. I need to feel like he wants my love before I can really love him. Its my way of protecting my heart from hurt. One of my followers on twitter gives relationship advice tweets and he says love is a choice not an emotion and that you choose to love someone. I guess maybe in a sense he is right especially the way sis and I are going about things.
So what did I tell her? I told her life is to short to live in fear and that love is a beautiful thing.I told her there is no rush to take things day by day because if he is "the one" then she has forever to love him. I also told her she should allow herself to fall for him and if he should hurt her pick the pieces up and learn from the experience. To grow from the experience and be a better person for it. Who knows maybe I will follow the advice that I gave her....one of these days.
Anyway these last few weeks we have been discussing a relationship she is in over gtalk. Shes involved with a guy and is developing feelings for this guy and is fighting it tooth and nail. From what she tells me he is a nice guy and hes definitely into her. So why is she fighting these feelings? She said because love hurts to much and she doesn't wanna feel the hurt.
Isn't it human nature for us to wanna protect ourselves from anything we feel may cause us harm? Falling in love with someone is scary because of all the risk involved. What if the love you feel is not reciprocated? What if they decide one day that they've changed their mind and don't love you anymore? Falling in love is in fact giving into that other person and I think that is what scares most people.
Ive only ever been in love once in my life. I wasn't even in love with my exhusband and I knew it when I married him but that's also another blog as well.
The one time that I was in love with someone after a year I realized he didn't feel the same way about me as I felt about him though he said he did. I got over it and ended it. Was actually quite painless like ripping a band aid off. You know how it hurts for a second and then the pain goes away. Only after I broke up with him did he decide he wanted to show me his love but it was just to late. Maybe I didn't love him either.
Maybe I'm no different than she is. After all I only wanna give my heart to someone after we've developed a bond and I feel safe. I need to feel like he wants my love before I can really love him. Its my way of protecting my heart from hurt. One of my followers on twitter gives relationship advice tweets and he says love is a choice not an emotion and that you choose to love someone. I guess maybe in a sense he is right especially the way sis and I are going about things.
So what did I tell her? I told her life is to short to live in fear and that love is a beautiful thing.I told her there is no rush to take things day by day because if he is "the one" then she has forever to love him. I also told her she should allow herself to fall for him and if he should hurt her pick the pieces up and learn from the experience. To grow from the experience and be a better person for it. Who knows maybe I will follow the advice that I gave her....one of these days.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Playing Favorites
I am the mother of 2 small boys. Derek is 4 and Donovan who we call Dougie is 3. Having my boys close together is probably the best thing I could have ever done because they are so close. They do everything together. They play together and they fight together but they look out for each other. I often call my oldest my first love and he is. I had never experienced such an intense love until the day he was born. It was the first time I had ever cried tears of joy in my life and probably the only time.I so loved everything about being a mom. Feeding him, dressing him spending time with him. We had designated Sunday mommy baby day. We would go out have lunch and I would buy him something every Sunday and that was our special time. I love him so deeply that a year later when I discovered I was pregnant again I didn't know if I had enough love to give to another child. Well when Donovan was born I found out I did just in a different way.
Donovan was born 8 weeks early and he and I almost died together. I do believe the hardest day of my life was when I had to leave my baby in the hospital and go home with no baby. They told me he had a long road ahead of him and he would be in the NICU until his actual due date. Which meant I was at the hospital everyday for hours at a time. I would have someone drop me off (I couldn't drive due to the csection)early in the afternoon and I would stay until my ex husband got off work and came and got me. I got up in the middle of the night to pump because he needed my breast milk even though he wasn't there. I loved him so hard he came home the week after I did which was a full 5 weeks earlier than projected.
Everyone was partial to my older son and no one wanted to get close to my new baby including my ex husband (that's another blog) that I felt like I had no choice but to love him just a little extra.
Now I get accused of loving my baby more than my oldest a lot and that couldn't really be farther from the truth. I have a different bond with both boys. When Derek was born I learned how to love and when Donovan was born I learned how to sacrifice.
Now that they are older and more independent Derek will not let me love him the way Donovan will Donovan will let me hug and kiss him all day where as Derek is more like eww mommy please don't kiss me. Anyone who is a mom know there is nothing like kisses from your baby.
I look at Donovan who is my little Virgo and often wonder if my personality was so big and cute when I was his age. Derek is my Scorpio and on my best day and his worse day he is smarter than me. Ive come to realize this because he outsmarts me and his daddy often!
I don't believe I love one more than the other I just love them both in different ways.
Donovan was born 8 weeks early and he and I almost died together. I do believe the hardest day of my life was when I had to leave my baby in the hospital and go home with no baby. They told me he had a long road ahead of him and he would be in the NICU until his actual due date. Which meant I was at the hospital everyday for hours at a time. I would have someone drop me off (I couldn't drive due to the csection)early in the afternoon and I would stay until my ex husband got off work and came and got me. I got up in the middle of the night to pump because he needed my breast milk even though he wasn't there. I loved him so hard he came home the week after I did which was a full 5 weeks earlier than projected.
Everyone was partial to my older son and no one wanted to get close to my new baby including my ex husband (that's another blog) that I felt like I had no choice but to love him just a little extra.
Now I get accused of loving my baby more than my oldest a lot and that couldn't really be farther from the truth. I have a different bond with both boys. When Derek was born I learned how to love and when Donovan was born I learned how to sacrifice.
Now that they are older and more independent Derek will not let me love him the way Donovan will Donovan will let me hug and kiss him all day where as Derek is more like eww mommy please don't kiss me. Anyone who is a mom know there is nothing like kisses from your baby.
I look at Donovan who is my little Virgo and often wonder if my personality was so big and cute when I was his age. Derek is my Scorpio and on my best day and his worse day he is smarter than me. Ive come to realize this because he outsmarts me and his daddy often!
I don't believe I love one more than the other I just love them both in different ways.
The Ex Factor
Rule #1 There is a reason they are your ex. It didn't work out for a reason. Ive noticed with cuffin season going on a lot of people are running back to ex lovers. A lot of ex lovers are calling me. Well not a lot but a few of em. In my opinion it is never acceptable to wanna mend things with someone who once made you hurt. That's my opinion and others don't see it that way. Once we are done we are done and there is nothing left to talk about. I think when a relationship ends you need to give yourself time to reflect. Think about why what went wrong went wrong and the part you played in it. Take this and grow from it and try not to make the same mistakes. Even if one person was more wrong you both played a part in the unraveling of your relationship. Each relationship is to make you a better person and should be used as a learning and growing experience. Going back in weak and lonely moments will only leave you weaker lonelier and more hurt than before.
No you cannot be friends with all of your ex's because majority of the things that cause them to be your ex are things your friends wouldn't do to you.
This cuffin season I'm practicing self love. My lover lives far away anyway. By self love I don't mean masturbation I mean I am gonna love myself and not participate in self destructive behavior and I hope everyone who reads this decides to practice self love and not hurt themselves anymore.
No you cannot be friends with all of your ex's because majority of the things that cause them to be your ex are things your friends wouldn't do to you.
This cuffin season I'm practicing self love. My lover lives far away anyway. By self love I don't mean masturbation I mean I am gonna love myself and not participate in self destructive behavior and I hope everyone who reads this decides to practice self love and not hurt themselves anymore.
Lovers and Friends part2
I also have a friend who was once a lover. We were once involved in a serious relationship but was decided we make better friends than mates. Honestly I kinda grew bored with the relationship. He over time became one of my best friends. My go to person about everything. I call him my hood love because when we were together he loved how I would cuss him out. He used to say I was the only woman he know that can cuss you out with a smile shake you to the depth of your soul then pray for you in the next breath. I still cuss him out occassionally. We have become eachothers go to person about all things the opposite sex. Recently I met a man who has me all giggles and butterflies and he met a woman who he said to me was gonna be his wife. We talk about them all the time. Well last time we talked im telling him about how excited I am about the progress of my relationship. I say to him "Freeman how are things going with Nicole" and he was like blah blah blah. I know him so I know something aint right. Hes basically was like Tee you know how I am and I do know cause hes a virgo like me. He said shes cool and shes sweet and all but he aint so sure. I asked why not afterall this is the woman who organized him a surprise birthday dinner and got all his friends together. I discovered I was an issue in their relationship. When he said she asked him for the truth behind something I posted on his facebook status and the truth behind he and I. He said he had a hard time saying and I quote "Tee is my baby and I love her if she ever needs me for anything Im gonna have her back regardless of who she is with and who I am with" I know if my man said this to me about another woman I would have a hard time understanding. It dawned on me then. He has compared every woman hes been with since me to me. I notice they dont stay around very long. He kinda gets close to em but they never get all the way in like I did. I do know im a tough act to follow in a relationship any of my ex will tell you that but I had no idea he was still holding out. We aint been together in that way in over 6 years. In my eyes the dynamic of the relationship has completely changed into a friendship. His friendship is like a staple in my life. Like I need to know I can depend on him as my friend. Im not open to goin back to a relationship. As painful as it is im gonna have to give up the friendship because I love him. Because I love him I want him to be able to move on and be open to love with another woman since im not open to love with him.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Lovers and Friends part1
So one of my childhood friends Jason was on face book with his question of the day. He always ask relationship questions. I believe hes working on a project but hes being kinda secretive as to what.
Anyway the question was: "Is sexual fulfillment worth the risk of losing a friend or worse..wasting your time hoping they will be in a relationship with you" Basically he wants to know can adding benefits to your friendship cost you a friendship.
In my experience every time Ive done it I lost the friend. I had a friend I was close with from sixth grade thru high school graduation. After graduation we decided to take it to the next level and we were together all summer but it wasn't as serious to him as it was to me. It ended badly so badly I barely want to speak to him to this day when I see him.
The other time it happened was recently. Was also someone I knew from high school. We had an agreement to be bed buddies. I liked the agreement because his babymomma lived with him and since he was involved with her he wouldn't have to much time to focus on me.I had just came out of a relationship and wasn't looking for anything serious. We could just do what we came to do and part ways when it was over. Downside was I hate sexin in my apartment cause I don't like for em to know where I live. Rule#1 of the G code we fuck at your place and I go home but since he had someone living with him and I live alone my place it was.
Within 2 weeks he had done put her out of his spot. I'm having to throw this nigga out cause he wanna stay the night and cuddle and shit. Then he hits me with the I think I'm in love with you and I wanna see how far this can go. I'm like this what can go? He wasn't in love with me at all the sex was fire and he was in love with that. Me being me I need more than good sex to spark my interest in a relationship. I'm a Virgo it takes a lot for me to get emotionally attached to somebody. This nigga was callin me with his problems and shit and I was finding myself thinking "why does he think I care" Finally I said we should end this before someone gets hurt and by that someone I meant him cause I clearly saw it going nowhere. One of my friends later told me when they found out that I had messed with the guy that he acted as if his puppy died when I broke things off. Last I heard he has since moved in with his babymama at her new spot.
Anyway the question was: "Is sexual fulfillment worth the risk of losing a friend or worse..wasting your time hoping they will be in a relationship with you" Basically he wants to know can adding benefits to your friendship cost you a friendship.
In my experience every time Ive done it I lost the friend. I had a friend I was close with from sixth grade thru high school graduation. After graduation we decided to take it to the next level and we were together all summer but it wasn't as serious to him as it was to me. It ended badly so badly I barely want to speak to him to this day when I see him.
The other time it happened was recently. Was also someone I knew from high school. We had an agreement to be bed buddies. I liked the agreement because his babymomma lived with him and since he was involved with her he wouldn't have to much time to focus on me.I had just came out of a relationship and wasn't looking for anything serious. We could just do what we came to do and part ways when it was over. Downside was I hate sexin in my apartment cause I don't like for em to know where I live. Rule#1 of the G code we fuck at your place and I go home but since he had someone living with him and I live alone my place it was.
Within 2 weeks he had done put her out of his spot. I'm having to throw this nigga out cause he wanna stay the night and cuddle and shit. Then he hits me with the I think I'm in love with you and I wanna see how far this can go. I'm like this what can go? He wasn't in love with me at all the sex was fire and he was in love with that. Me being me I need more than good sex to spark my interest in a relationship. I'm a Virgo it takes a lot for me to get emotionally attached to somebody. This nigga was callin me with his problems and shit and I was finding myself thinking "why does he think I care" Finally I said we should end this before someone gets hurt and by that someone I meant him cause I clearly saw it going nowhere. One of my friends later told me when they found out that I had messed with the guy that he acted as if his puppy died when I broke things off. Last I heard he has since moved in with his babymama at her new spot.
Social Networking and Relationships
My significant other is taking part in the October 30 day blog challenge where he has committed himself to blog everyday for 30 days. I blog everyday but my lazy ass rarely post here. He was looking for topics for today's blog and my girlfriend suggested "relationships and socical networking sites" He passed on the topic and suggested I write it instead so here goes.
My significant other and I follow each other on the socical networking site twitter. We are also face book friends but since neither of us barely use it lets focus on twitter. We are from different towns yes it is a LDR so that has made the relationship a challenge in itself. On twitter he is @ThugRockStar and I'm @Prttybrwnskn. If you don't follow us stop right now and go do it and thank me later. We are both very attractive people and we get a lot of attention from the opposite sex. I know it and he knows it. We are both also very funny well hes funnier than I am and that also gets a lot of attention from the opposite sex. Have there been times where he has seen me tweet questionable stuff I'm sure as well a I have seen a few things in his timeline that have made me go hmmm. Hell just today I got bored and engaged my male followers in a discussion about men faking orgasms. Was purely for entertainment purposes not because I wanna sleep with any of my followers and he knows that. Will we break up over stuff on twitter? Absolutely not!!! I could think of far worse things to fight about than what goes on on twitter. Way I see it is this. If all we can disagree on is that then we are doing pretty damn good but we don't disagree on it. Thing is twitter is just for fuckery and entertainment that is all. It in no way shape or form mirrors real life. I'm sure most of my followers would be disappointed to know im not doing half as much of the stuff as I tell them I am in #twitterafterdark and he well he is just as amazing in real life as he is on twitter ;)
In real life grown up adult relationships trust and communication are the most important elements. If you and your significant other have an agreement, a mutual understanding that you are in an exclusive committed relationship then anything done on a social networking site really shouldn't affect that its harmless entertainment. If you see something your significant other has done that looks questionable then maybe the two of you should have a talk about it. Don't let it sit and fester be an adult about it and talk it out. If it was a misunderstanding let it go and move past it. If you cant talk about it then there is a bigger problem at hand than what you saw. Also do not stalk your significant others timeline or face book page. 9 times out of 10 they are doing nothing wrong anyway but you will find that they have done something wrong simply because you looked for it and want to find it. I am @Prttybrwnskn and I approve this message
My significant other and I follow each other on the socical networking site twitter. We are also face book friends but since neither of us barely use it lets focus on twitter. We are from different towns yes it is a LDR so that has made the relationship a challenge in itself. On twitter he is @ThugRockStar and I'm @Prttybrwnskn. If you don't follow us stop right now and go do it and thank me later. We are both very attractive people and we get a lot of attention from the opposite sex. I know it and he knows it. We are both also very funny well hes funnier than I am and that also gets a lot of attention from the opposite sex. Have there been times where he has seen me tweet questionable stuff I'm sure as well a I have seen a few things in his timeline that have made me go hmmm. Hell just today I got bored and engaged my male followers in a discussion about men faking orgasms. Was purely for entertainment purposes not because I wanna sleep with any of my followers and he knows that. Will we break up over stuff on twitter? Absolutely not!!! I could think of far worse things to fight about than what goes on on twitter. Way I see it is this. If all we can disagree on is that then we are doing pretty damn good but we don't disagree on it. Thing is twitter is just for fuckery and entertainment that is all. It in no way shape or form mirrors real life. I'm sure most of my followers would be disappointed to know im not doing half as much of the stuff as I tell them I am in #twitterafterdark and he well he is just as amazing in real life as he is on twitter ;)
In real life grown up adult relationships trust and communication are the most important elements. If you and your significant other have an agreement, a mutual understanding that you are in an exclusive committed relationship then anything done on a social networking site really shouldn't affect that its harmless entertainment. If you see something your significant other has done that looks questionable then maybe the two of you should have a talk about it. Don't let it sit and fester be an adult about it and talk it out. If it was a misunderstanding let it go and move past it. If you cant talk about it then there is a bigger problem at hand than what you saw. Also do not stalk your significant others timeline or face book page. 9 times out of 10 they are doing nothing wrong anyway but you will find that they have done something wrong simply because you looked for it and want to find it. I am @Prttybrwnskn and I approve this message
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Do The Right Thing
I know I write a lot about the new relationship I'm in but I usually blog about the things going on around me. I don't even post half of what I write because a lot of time its very personal and a lot of times I'm to lazy to come to the site and post.
Anyways for those who don't know I recently committed myself to an amazing man who lives in a different state. So I wonder does absence make the heart grow fonder or is out of sight out of mind? I know on my end as the days go by the feeling gets stronger. While I'm not in love yet Ive got a strong case of like going on.
So here's the thing. With the distance between us I don't know what hes doing there and he doesn't know what I'm doing here. Do I really worry about what hes doing there? Not at all. I cant concern myself with that. I don't stalk his twitter or facebook because I'm a firm believer that you always find what you're looking for whether its actually there or not. Because you are looking to catch your mate in something everything you find will look as such.
So now its cuffing season. I'm not a bad looking chick and I'm getting attention from the opposite sex. Ive had one person in particular coming on extra strong these days. When he found out I was sick he gtalked me all day and acted concerned telling me how to take care of myself and get well and he is pressuring for my phone number. I told him I couldn't give him my number because I had a boyfriend and I wouldn't like it if he was giving his number out and talking to other women. Either I'm getting soft in my old age or I really like this guy. I think that I really like this guy so the solution is easy. Delete the other person from gtalk and twitter. I wonder how many other people would do the right thing if they knew they could get away with something and not get caught?
Anyways for those who don't know I recently committed myself to an amazing man who lives in a different state. So I wonder does absence make the heart grow fonder or is out of sight out of mind? I know on my end as the days go by the feeling gets stronger. While I'm not in love yet Ive got a strong case of like going on.
So here's the thing. With the distance between us I don't know what hes doing there and he doesn't know what I'm doing here. Do I really worry about what hes doing there? Not at all. I cant concern myself with that. I don't stalk his twitter or facebook because I'm a firm believer that you always find what you're looking for whether its actually there or not. Because you are looking to catch your mate in something everything you find will look as such.
So now its cuffing season. I'm not a bad looking chick and I'm getting attention from the opposite sex. Ive had one person in particular coming on extra strong these days. When he found out I was sick he gtalked me all day and acted concerned telling me how to take care of myself and get well and he is pressuring for my phone number. I told him I couldn't give him my number because I had a boyfriend and I wouldn't like it if he was giving his number out and talking to other women. Either I'm getting soft in my old age or I really like this guy. I think that I really like this guy so the solution is easy. Delete the other person from gtalk and twitter. I wonder how many other people would do the right thing if they knew they could get away with something and not get caught?
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Live With You
There is a song by Chante Moore and Kenny Latimore called live with you. Its about a married couple who cant seem to get along and cohabitate.
I'm in a super new relationship. I love everything about him and everything he does is super cute to me right now because it is new maybe he feels the same about me who knows. We recently spent 5 days together and I learned a whole lot during those 5 days we were in that hotel room. While I find him wonderful in everyway I know I cannot live with him well not at this point. Its not just him I don't think I could live with anybody. I have essentially lived on my own for the past few years. I come and go as I please. Some days I don't cook and my kids get kid cuisine for dinner (my 4yr old gives me the bizness for that) I walkaround with no make up belch fart and all kinds of stuff that you just cant do infront of a man.
We have talked about me moving to his city soon and giving our relationship a real chance but I know we couldn't live together lol.
In a perfect world we would have an immaculately clean beautifully decorated home he has his space I have mine. I would cook breakfast and dinner send left overs to work with him for his lunch and we would make love 2xs a day and when we get on eachothers nerves he can go back to his place. Stay tuned cause I've already decided to keep him and who knows as I let him in maybe we will fall in love and I will change my mind.
I'm in a super new relationship. I love everything about him and everything he does is super cute to me right now because it is new maybe he feels the same about me who knows. We recently spent 5 days together and I learned a whole lot during those 5 days we were in that hotel room. While I find him wonderful in everyway I know I cannot live with him well not at this point. Its not just him I don't think I could live with anybody. I have essentially lived on my own for the past few years. I come and go as I please. Some days I don't cook and my kids get kid cuisine for dinner (my 4yr old gives me the bizness for that) I walkaround with no make up belch fart and all kinds of stuff that you just cant do infront of a man.
We have talked about me moving to his city soon and giving our relationship a real chance but I know we couldn't live together lol.
In a perfect world we would have an immaculately clean beautifully decorated home he has his space I have mine. I would cook breakfast and dinner send left overs to work with him for his lunch and we would make love 2xs a day and when we get on eachothers nerves he can go back to his place. Stay tuned cause I've already decided to keep him and who knows as I let him in maybe we will fall in love and I will change my mind.
Submission
So I purchased the movie Why Did I Get Married Too on dvd. There is a scene where Anglea is going through the word trust and what it stands for. The letter S was for submit and she goes "S well S is for submit and I aint doing that shit" Ladies it is in the bible we are to submit. I remember my exhusband used to yell it at me all the time but back then I didn't know what it meant and now that I know I also know he didn't really know what that meant either.
Submission is a state of being a way of life. It does not mean that you simply do what your husband/mate tells you to do. What it means is in a marriage/partnership/union the man is the head of the household. He is to love you the way Christ loved the church Christ died for the church and you should put all your trust in him. Think about it why would u even marry/partner up with a man you cant trust?
If you think about it hes on a mission himself and your mission is his "submission" If you succeed its because of him and if you fail its also because of him. The trick is to not fail but always be prepared with that back up plan for if some reason his idea fails.
See my mom actually taught me something good lol
Submission is a state of being a way of life. It does not mean that you simply do what your husband/mate tells you to do. What it means is in a marriage/partnership/union the man is the head of the household. He is to love you the way Christ loved the church Christ died for the church and you should put all your trust in him. Think about it why would u even marry/partner up with a man you cant trust?
If you think about it hes on a mission himself and your mission is his "submission" If you succeed its because of him and if you fail its also because of him. The trick is to not fail but always be prepared with that back up plan for if some reason his idea fails.
See my mom actually taught me something good lol
Think Like a Man Act like a Lady
Ok so as I was cleaning my room the other day I found Steve Harveys book stashed under my bed. Several of my girlfriends swore by it saying it was a good read and full useful insight. My divorce was a year old and my rebound guy out the picture. I was ready to date and thinkin my game was rusty I foolishly purchased this book. I swear I could think of numerous ways to blow 28.99. Hell I coulda got a mani pedi instead. I made it about half way thru and realized one of two things. Either I have the mentality of a man or what men and women want are real similar either way I had wasted mani/pedi money on a dumb book.
Did he seriously write that in order to keep a mans attention we have to convince him we are the big fish u keep when u go fishing and not the little one you throw back? Why of all things should we as women be compared to seafood? I'm not gonna go into detail about what else in in the book cause I don't wanna ruin it for anyone else who may wanna read it.
I will say this though some men are worse than women if what he writes is true. I mean seriously which one of us in the relationship bleeds once a month?
Ladies I say the answer to the male Psyche is not gonna be found in a book as every man is not the same anyway. There is a man out there for all of us who will find us beautiful and be completely into us and buying a book is not gonna tell you how to find him or hook him. I say invest the 28.99 in the mani pedi. You will have better chance of hookin a man with cute feet than armed with the knowledge or lack there of in that book.
Did he seriously write that in order to keep a mans attention we have to convince him we are the big fish u keep when u go fishing and not the little one you throw back? Why of all things should we as women be compared to seafood? I'm not gonna go into detail about what else in in the book cause I don't wanna ruin it for anyone else who may wanna read it.
I will say this though some men are worse than women if what he writes is true. I mean seriously which one of us in the relationship bleeds once a month?
Ladies I say the answer to the male Psyche is not gonna be found in a book as every man is not the same anyway. There is a man out there for all of us who will find us beautiful and be completely into us and buying a book is not gonna tell you how to find him or hook him. I say invest the 28.99 in the mani pedi. You will have better chance of hookin a man with cute feet than armed with the knowledge or lack there of in that book.
The age of Leo in the heart of Virgo
Those who know me and know my story know that while I have always believed in love I wasn't to hopeful in finding it for myself. I still don't necessarily believe in happily ever after. I had adopted the belief that love would never be mine with one person forever.
Ive been married divorced dated seriously and casually. I have dated till I thought I couldn't date anymore. I was beginning to feel like Charlotte in Sex in the City. The infamous scene where she yell out "I've been dating since I was 15 where is he already" I was tired and I prayed over it and decided to just chill out by myself for a while. I wasn't really ready to give my heart and take the chance that it might get broken again anyway. So chill out is exactly what I did. I date my girlfiends. We do dinner drinks movies and stuff once a week and if I wanna have sex there are tons of men I could call but I wasn't quite feeling that either.
So as I'm chilling and not even thinkin about a man or a relationship I meet a man and find myself in a relationship. He seems cool we have tons in common. All I had intended to do was be his date to his birthday party maybe have a quick weekend fling and go back business as usual.
Well it wasn't so simple. As the old saying goes if you wanna make God smile tell him your plans. Now I'm completely smitten.
His being unsure began this game of tug o war with me. Somedays he would let me in and other days he had a brickwall up I couldn't penetrate. Everytime I want to throw in the towel and say nope I cant do this and I wont do this he would show me something that made me say do it Tee hes worth your time.
So we have two bruised yet not broken people tryna figure out which way is up with long distance between us. I'm finding that in order to get to him I have to let down my guard. The more I give of my self the more the slack on the rope looses up on his end. So I have to let him in and give him me in order to receive him. Crazy right??? There is someone I follow on twitter who swears love is a choice we make and shouldn't be based on an emotion. I'm starting to see that more and more everyday. I'm not in love but I'm definitely open to it and with him
Ive been married divorced dated seriously and casually. I have dated till I thought I couldn't date anymore. I was beginning to feel like Charlotte in Sex in the City. The infamous scene where she yell out "I've been dating since I was 15 where is he already" I was tired and I prayed over it and decided to just chill out by myself for a while. I wasn't really ready to give my heart and take the chance that it might get broken again anyway. So chill out is exactly what I did. I date my girlfiends. We do dinner drinks movies and stuff once a week and if I wanna have sex there are tons of men I could call but I wasn't quite feeling that either.
So as I'm chilling and not even thinkin about a man or a relationship I meet a man and find myself in a relationship. He seems cool we have tons in common. All I had intended to do was be his date to his birthday party maybe have a quick weekend fling and go back business as usual.
Well it wasn't so simple. As the old saying goes if you wanna make God smile tell him your plans. Now I'm completely smitten.
His being unsure began this game of tug o war with me. Somedays he would let me in and other days he had a brickwall up I couldn't penetrate. Everytime I want to throw in the towel and say nope I cant do this and I wont do this he would show me something that made me say do it Tee hes worth your time.
So we have two bruised yet not broken people tryna figure out which way is up with long distance between us. I'm finding that in order to get to him I have to let down my guard. The more I give of my self the more the slack on the rope looses up on his end. So I have to let him in and give him me in order to receive him. Crazy right??? There is someone I follow on twitter who swears love is a choice we make and shouldn't be based on an emotion. I'm starting to see that more and more everyday. I'm not in love but I'm definitely open to it and with him
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I Used to Love Him a tale of domestic violence
I used to love him but now I don't. Why do I look at a lot of the men I was once involved with and wonder what the hell was I thinking. Probably because I kissed a lot of frogs in search of that almighty prince. I even married one of those slimy suckers. Something a lot of people don't know about me is I am a domestic violence survivor. I married my college sweetheart and it did not end well. To condense the story down for the sake of this blog. He and I were kinda off again on again. While we were off I got involved with someone else. Both men wanted to get married at the same time and I had to make a choice. I married one and the other is one of my best friends. Doesn't matter who I picked I'm sure I would still be divorced. Anyway we got married bought a house and had a baby. When I got pregnant he swore I had been with the other guy. I had never been unfaithful the whole time we were together. I honestly think he just wanted a reason to fight. So we fought often. He physically abused me while I was pregnant. I remember a fight on my 22nd birthday. He got mad because my father came to my house and brought me a birthday cake for our birthday. Was a huge fight I was about 7 mos pregnant I got slammed into a wall and all my acrylic nails broken off until my fingers bled. To this day I do not wear acrylic nails. He forbid my relationship with my dad. Something that to this day I am angry that I allowed to happen since my father died 3 days after I left my ex husband.
We used to fight and he would take my baby and lock himself in a room with the baby and not let me in.
I remember the day my grandfather died we had a huge fight because I had been at the hospital with my family for a whole week and hadn't cleaned the house. If only I had kept my mouth shut and did the dishes and cleaned up right. In smart ass fashion I said if the house is dirty you should clean it cause I haven't been here to make it dirty. What was I thinking cause I got beat good that day.
I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later. I'm still not sure how this happened cause I was on the pill plus we were fighting so much I was not sleeping with him. I do not remember sexual relations with that man. I wanted to have an abortion and just take my one kid and bounce. I'm glad I kept Donovan because he is my joy.
While I was pregnant he disrespected me in any and every way he could think of. I'm actually missing a tooth from a fight we had while I was pregnant. I remember being in the car with him while my oldest was in the backseat and he ripped my top off and slammed my head into the car window until my nose bled and my tooth cracked. My son was screaming in the backseat.
I had my baby 8 weeks early and almost died as a result of the domestic violence in my home. That was my wake up call. What let me know I needed out of that situation. If not for me for my children.
I don't understand how women say they stay in those situations for their children. Your children are all the reason to get out. I have boys and I want to raise gentlemen I don't want them to think the way their father treated me is the way to treat women. I gave up a lot when I left him. Hes a CPA we lived in a big expensive house took trips and money was never an object. I didn't pay bills and had everything I wanted. We owned several rental properties with tenants in them. My mom used to say "That man is gonna make you a millionaire one day" She was probably right. We would of been rich and I probably would of been dead.
When I left him he stalked me my friend my family and any guy he thought I was dating. I remember one time he found me at the place I lived before I lived where I stay now and messed with my car. He dug up my shrubs and left chicken bones on my stoop I guess as a warning. I got in my car and he had tampered with my tire. Donovan and I could of been killed that day.
The effects of what he did to me are still there. He robbed my self esteem and feelings of self worth. Told me I was nothing and I believed him. Its still hard to stand up to him at times on behalf of my kids because in the past conflict led to violence. It as if I am still afraid he can hurt me an honestly I think he would if he could.
It was hard to get away from him because he had alienated me from all friends and family. He made it so I had no one but him. I had a good girlfriend at work who helped me take my babies and leave. I owe her my life.
As a survivor I know its hard to get out but I know that it can be done and no woman has to live like that.
We used to fight and he would take my baby and lock himself in a room with the baby and not let me in.
I remember the day my grandfather died we had a huge fight because I had been at the hospital with my family for a whole week and hadn't cleaned the house. If only I had kept my mouth shut and did the dishes and cleaned up right. In smart ass fashion I said if the house is dirty you should clean it cause I haven't been here to make it dirty. What was I thinking cause I got beat good that day.
I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later. I'm still not sure how this happened cause I was on the pill plus we were fighting so much I was not sleeping with him. I do not remember sexual relations with that man. I wanted to have an abortion and just take my one kid and bounce. I'm glad I kept Donovan because he is my joy.
While I was pregnant he disrespected me in any and every way he could think of. I'm actually missing a tooth from a fight we had while I was pregnant. I remember being in the car with him while my oldest was in the backseat and he ripped my top off and slammed my head into the car window until my nose bled and my tooth cracked. My son was screaming in the backseat.
I had my baby 8 weeks early and almost died as a result of the domestic violence in my home. That was my wake up call. What let me know I needed out of that situation. If not for me for my children.
I don't understand how women say they stay in those situations for their children. Your children are all the reason to get out. I have boys and I want to raise gentlemen I don't want them to think the way their father treated me is the way to treat women. I gave up a lot when I left him. Hes a CPA we lived in a big expensive house took trips and money was never an object. I didn't pay bills and had everything I wanted. We owned several rental properties with tenants in them. My mom used to say "That man is gonna make you a millionaire one day" She was probably right. We would of been rich and I probably would of been dead.
When I left him he stalked me my friend my family and any guy he thought I was dating. I remember one time he found me at the place I lived before I lived where I stay now and messed with my car. He dug up my shrubs and left chicken bones on my stoop I guess as a warning. I got in my car and he had tampered with my tire. Donovan and I could of been killed that day.
The effects of what he did to me are still there. He robbed my self esteem and feelings of self worth. Told me I was nothing and I believed him. Its still hard to stand up to him at times on behalf of my kids because in the past conflict led to violence. It as if I am still afraid he can hurt me an honestly I think he would if he could.
It was hard to get away from him because he had alienated me from all friends and family. He made it so I had no one but him. I had a good girlfriend at work who helped me take my babies and leave. I owe her my life.
As a survivor I know its hard to get out but I know that it can be done and no woman has to live like that.
Tell Him
Dang Lauryn Hill is talkin to me tonight. I sat down to blog about something else and started listening to Tell Him and got the inspiration for something else.
Tell him I need him tell him I love him it will be alright.
I recently got involved with a man and when I say recent I mean its not even 2 months old. Naw I cant really say its love but I can definitely see it going there. I hope it goes there. When I think about how everything went down I feel completely crazy. In just a split second he made me do so many unthinkables it makes my head spin. I met him on twitter. You do not meet potential mates on the net. That's what crazy people do. Within days he had me convinced to come see him. Now you definitely do not get on planes and go meet strangers. Only crazy people do that. So maybe I'm crazy cause I got on that plane and I went to see him.
I admit I was really skeptical and he was the sure one. I wanted to wait and see if it felt real in person. It did feel real. Was one of the realest connections I have ever felt in my life. I'm pretty sure that last encounter it felt like we were making love and not simply just having sex.
I have got to admit I am scared to death of feeling like this so fast and so early in the game. But life is short and I don't want to spend it afraid. My gut says go for it. I want to give him my heart I want to fall in love with him and whatever else come with it. So now it seems as if I'm the sure one and he's the skeptic. He has so many good reasons to feel that way. The chemistry we shared is not something only one person feels so if I felt it I'm sure he did too. If I'm scared I can only imagine how he feels. There's the age difference the long distance and I'm sure hes been hurt a time or two and there goes the room for skepticism.
Usually when I get with men who need me to make them feel secure I leave it alone cause I don't want to deal with it or go thru the extra trouble. I guess I have never care enough to even bother. Somehow I feel like he might be worth the trouble. So in two months he got my phone number, talked me into a visit, got my attention in an 'I only wanna be with him' exclusive kind of way and has me convinced to move away from my friends and family to be with him. I wonder if this is what God had in mind last year when he told me quit kissing frogs and let him send me a king? I wonder was he my last first kiss.
Tell him I need him tell him I love him it will be alright.
I recently got involved with a man and when I say recent I mean its not even 2 months old. Naw I cant really say its love but I can definitely see it going there. I hope it goes there. When I think about how everything went down I feel completely crazy. In just a split second he made me do so many unthinkables it makes my head spin. I met him on twitter. You do not meet potential mates on the net. That's what crazy people do. Within days he had me convinced to come see him. Now you definitely do not get on planes and go meet strangers. Only crazy people do that. So maybe I'm crazy cause I got on that plane and I went to see him.
I admit I was really skeptical and he was the sure one. I wanted to wait and see if it felt real in person. It did feel real. Was one of the realest connections I have ever felt in my life. I'm pretty sure that last encounter it felt like we were making love and not simply just having sex.
I have got to admit I am scared to death of feeling like this so fast and so early in the game. But life is short and I don't want to spend it afraid. My gut says go for it. I want to give him my heart I want to fall in love with him and whatever else come with it. So now it seems as if I'm the sure one and he's the skeptic. He has so many good reasons to feel that way. The chemistry we shared is not something only one person feels so if I felt it I'm sure he did too. If I'm scared I can only imagine how he feels. There's the age difference the long distance and I'm sure hes been hurt a time or two and there goes the room for skepticism.
Usually when I get with men who need me to make them feel secure I leave it alone cause I don't want to deal with it or go thru the extra trouble. I guess I have never care enough to even bother. Somehow I feel like he might be worth the trouble. So in two months he got my phone number, talked me into a visit, got my attention in an 'I only wanna be with him' exclusive kind of way and has me convinced to move away from my friends and family to be with him. I wonder if this is what God had in mind last year when he told me quit kissing frogs and let him send me a king? I wonder was he my last first kiss.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
wow.....really
Today I saw briefly on the news a story about a young mother who suffocated her two small children and then pushed her car off a bridge. This woman then told authorities she couldn't save the kids and barely got out of the car herself. After further investigation it was determined she did murder her kids.
As a mother I find it very hard to understand how anyone could hurt a child especially one that comes from you. Everyone who know me knows I have 2 small beautiful little boys named Derek and Donovan. My little boys are all I have in this world and if it came down to me or them I would choose them each and every time.
I remember when I discovered I was pregnant with Donovan my marriage was a mess. I was contemplating leaving and I hadn't even gotten used to the one child I had. I didn't even tell my ex husband about the pregnancy at first. I told only my mother. I was gonna have an abortion and take the one child I had and leave. I'm so glad I confided in my mother. She shared with me her desire to abort my little brother because she thought she was to old for more kids and how he turned out to be the son she always wanted and how glad she was that she didn't do it.
After the heart to heart with my mom I finally told my ex and we agreed to try to work things out.
That was a really hard pregnancy I was sick all the time but somehow I enjoyed everyday of it. Even the days I spent in the hospital. I knew there was life growing in me and I felt honored to be given such a blessing. To this day that is the only thing I regret. I regret even contemplating ending that pregnancy.
The day Donovan was born a full 8 weeks early it was discovered I was sicker than they had initially thought. I was given the choice to save his life or mine. The same life I wanted to end 30 weeks prior I now wanted to save. I told them to do everything they could to make sure my baby lived. If he lived and contributed to society than I have serve my purpose in life.
As a mother you are supposed to choose the life of your children each and every time. I didn't blink flinch or think twice. I guess God wasn't done with me because I survived.
If I had to do it all over again I would always choose his life over mine which is why I cannot understand how this woman could hurt her babies.
Life is funny that way. There are women who would give everything to experience motherhood while others take that incredible blessing for granted.
As a mother I find it very hard to understand how anyone could hurt a child especially one that comes from you. Everyone who know me knows I have 2 small beautiful little boys named Derek and Donovan. My little boys are all I have in this world and if it came down to me or them I would choose them each and every time.
I remember when I discovered I was pregnant with Donovan my marriage was a mess. I was contemplating leaving and I hadn't even gotten used to the one child I had. I didn't even tell my ex husband about the pregnancy at first. I told only my mother. I was gonna have an abortion and take the one child I had and leave. I'm so glad I confided in my mother. She shared with me her desire to abort my little brother because she thought she was to old for more kids and how he turned out to be the son she always wanted and how glad she was that she didn't do it.
After the heart to heart with my mom I finally told my ex and we agreed to try to work things out.
That was a really hard pregnancy I was sick all the time but somehow I enjoyed everyday of it. Even the days I spent in the hospital. I knew there was life growing in me and I felt honored to be given such a blessing. To this day that is the only thing I regret. I regret even contemplating ending that pregnancy.
The day Donovan was born a full 8 weeks early it was discovered I was sicker than they had initially thought. I was given the choice to save his life or mine. The same life I wanted to end 30 weeks prior I now wanted to save. I told them to do everything they could to make sure my baby lived. If he lived and contributed to society than I have serve my purpose in life.
As a mother you are supposed to choose the life of your children each and every time. I didn't blink flinch or think twice. I guess God wasn't done with me because I survived.
If I had to do it all over again I would always choose his life over mine which is why I cannot understand how this woman could hurt her babies.
Life is funny that way. There are women who would give everything to experience motherhood while others take that incredible blessing for granted.
Kissing Frogs
After several unsuccessful relationships and a failed marriage I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me what I was doing wrong and it hit me. I was doing the same thing most of us women are doing. Instead of letting God take care of things and send me my king I was taking matters into my own hands. I was kissing frogs and praying to God one of them would turn into a prince. Problem is when u kiss frogs all you get is warts and I am entirely to pretty to be walking around with warts. Besides why would I be in search of a Prince when I wanna be treated like a Queen. Some of us sell ourselves short. We settle into relationships with someone just for the sake of being able to say we are in a relationship and then wonder why we end up so unhappy.Now I would consider myself a pretty good catch. Whatever man God sends to me will really be getting something special. I am attractive, talented, smart and funny. I can hold good conversation, im a great mom, love to cook and I play video games plus I can hold my own with the fellas if his friends want to hang out. So with all this going for me why haven’t any of my relationships worked out? Cause I kept kissing frogs and lets face it the frogs aint worthy. I am not bitter about the past at all. If it didn’t work out it didn’t work out and there is nothing I can do or could had done to make it work. Obviously it wasn’t meant to be. But for some reason after these men have walked away they always come back when they realized what they walked out on. I think that says a lot that every man I have ever had an intimate exclusive relationship regrets what was let go. Too bad for them I don’t back slide. Get me once shame on you after that its on me and I am too smart to repeatedly fall for the okie doke.The last guy I was dealing with had so many issues I needed a subscription to keep up. I had to let that go. He had the nerve to send me a text shortly after it ended and say “I think I love you what should I do” Now I am not sure how you go from loving someone to thinking you love them. He put his feelings for me in a song which I still have and really need to erase out of my itunes. Really good song but now that its over between us I think its contents were full of garbage. So how do you go from writing a song about how much you love me to just thinking you love me? See what I’m talking about....... issues! I wanted to tell him to get at me when he was sure and it wasn’t just a thought. Then I thought about it and realized I just didn’t really care anymore so I just let it be and didn’t give him a response. He then came back later telling me he had gotten a 6 figure record deal. I knew this was a lie seeing he wasn’t as talented as he thinks he is. I was then really pissed. It was like do u think im stupid a gold digger or both?I recently realized I would never be successful in any future relationships as long as I was holding on to the furniture I once shared with my ex husband especially the mattress on my bed. So I got rid of it all and started over brand new. That way his memory was not in my new place. This was my way of letting go of my baggage. Even though we are divorced and I have no desire to ever go back with him ever again, by holding on to his memory(stuff) I was holding on to the baggage of my marriage and divorce. Baggage will weigh you down in all areas of life and cloud your judgment. If I don’t want to pay for the last woman's mistakes why should the next man pay for what the last guy did . That’s the fastest way to make someone not want to get next to you. I love myself too much for that self destructive behavior. I can honestly say I have let go of all my baggage. I harbor no resentment or ill will towards anyone in my past. Letting go of baggage is different for everyone. Sometimes it takes a good cry and lots of prayer. For me it was getting new furniture. Besides my ex-husband was a frog I kissed in hopes of finding that Prince Charming we dream of when we were little girls.I am currently in search of my last first kiss but I am in no hurry to find it. Next time I invest in a man 100% of my support, loyalty, devotion and affection its will be someone who I can see going the distance with me. Honestly not everyone is deserving of that so he will have to be special. Besides if I invest my all in something I’m going to be looking for a nice return. That means I want his love support trust and fidelity.So my advice is this. If you are tired of getting warts then stop kissing frogs. Take some time and truely get to know yourself. Know your goals and what you want out of life. Take a good look at yourself and what you can bring to the table. Society right now is all about this independent women movement. But if you are so independent what can a man possibly bring to your table u cant do for yourself. Let go of your baggage and don’t get with a man who is holding on to baggage. If he is holding on to anything crazy run like hell. What’s the point in letting yours go to take on someone else’s? Should Mr. Right be placed in your path take things slow. One day at a time. After all if he is Mr. Right you guys have forever anyway so what’s the rush.
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