Those who know me and know my story know that while I have always believed in love I wasn't to hopeful in finding it for myself. I still don't necessarily believe in happily ever after. I had adopted the belief that love would never be mine with one person forever.
Ive been married divorced dated seriously and casually. I have dated till I thought I couldn't date anymore. I was beginning to feel like Charlotte in Sex in the City. The infamous scene where she yell out "I've been dating since I was 15 where is he already" I was tired and I prayed over it and decided to just chill out by myself for a while. I wasn't really ready to give my heart and take the chance that it might get broken again anyway. So chill out is exactly what I did. I date my girlfiends. We do dinner drinks movies and stuff once a week and if I wanna have sex there are tons of men I could call but I wasn't quite feeling that either.
So as I'm chilling and not even thinkin about a man or a relationship I meet a man and find myself in a relationship. He seems cool we have tons in common. All I had intended to do was be his date to his birthday party maybe have a quick weekend fling and go back business as usual.
Well it wasn't so simple. As the old saying goes if you wanna make God smile tell him your plans. Now I'm completely smitten.
His being unsure began this game of tug o war with me. Somedays he would let me in and other days he had a brickwall up I couldn't penetrate. Everytime I want to throw in the towel and say nope I cant do this and I wont do this he would show me something that made me say do it Tee hes worth your time.
So we have two bruised yet not broken people tryna figure out which way is up with long distance between us. I'm finding that in order to get to him I have to let down my guard. The more I give of my self the more the slack on the rope looses up on his end. So I have to let him in and give him me in order to receive him. Crazy right??? There is someone I follow on twitter who swears love is a choice we make and shouldn't be based on an emotion. I'm starting to see that more and more everyday. I'm not in love but I'm definitely open to it and with him
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