We are in the middle of Virgo season and I am starting to realize not everyone understands the complexities of the Virgo woman. Because of our sweet, giving nature and the fact that we are naturally submissive the Virgo woman is the most desired woman of the zodiac. No shade to the other signs at all but Virgo women really understand how to let a man be a man.
At first we are very shy and reserved. We may even come off as being cold and unemotional. I am very shy when u meet me. True story the first time I met my boyfriend I lied and told him I had a headache to buy me some time to warm up to him and then I actually ended up getting a headache. He was really sweet about it and bought me some ibuprofen and Fiji water when he picked me up from the airport.
Once you get past that shy standoffish part and get our wall down its like a free for all. Very much the people pleasers its no different in romantic relationships. If you ever feel like your Virgo comes on too strong when showing her affections its because that's what we do. We will show you we love you all day long even though we rarely say it.
A Virgo loves by taking care of you, your wants and making sure u have everything you need to be successful in life. We take care of the little things no one else has even thought to do before.Your bathroom will be spotless and you can eat off the kitchen floor. Lets say you wake up for work before your Virgo does, when you get up u will find your clothes have been laid out and ironed, and probably the coffee maker has been set and all you have to do is flip the switch to cut it on.
The Virgo woman is the perfect example of a ride or die chick. She will stay down for you like 4 flats on a Cadillac and love you harder during those times your difficult and unlovable. Your money ain't right? She will hustle and help you get it where u need it to be. You have a dream you don't know how to even begin to realize? She will devise a plan to make it happen. If youre in a pissy mood she will know exactly what cheers you up and wont stop until you smile again.
Have you ever hurt a Virgo? You probably don't know if you did because she will be very polite about it and wont say anything. This is a fatal flaw of ours. We deal with hurt internally. If your Virgo ever mentions or complains about anything shes gonna do it in a nice way and you should make note to fix the the situation because shes not gonna keep poking and prodding at it.
I know myself personally I never discuss my feelings. I hate having to tell someone how I feel, so if you have hurt me it builds over time till I can't deal anymore and I break things off. I'm good for that one often leaving the other person shocked because they thought our relationship was perfect. When we get to that point where I tell you I'm done there is nothing you can do about it because I've probably been done for a long time and was just making sure I was making the right decision before breaking things off.
If you have been lucky enough to experience the affections of a Virgo make sure you tell her and show her you appreciate her everyday because she will bend over backwards for you.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Resentment
One of my girlfriends recently caught her boyfriend in a lie. While I won't go into details of the lie cause I don't wanna put her business out there, it is the topic of discussion for this blog.
In my experience men lie about the dumbest shit. A lot of time they won't even be doing anything wrong and they will lie because it simply doesn't look right. The dumb thing is when u do that you hurt someone you care about with the actual lie and not even what u were lying about. Make sense?
My friend caught her man in what wasn't exactly a lie but a lie by omission. He wasn't doing anything wrong except not communicating what was going on in his life. Keeping secrets in relationships is a no no.
So when asked my advice I told her what any good friend would. As much as you wanna scream, yell, curse and break up with him you now know his crime. He didn't cheat, he fessed up and the relationship can be saved. I'm all for saving the relationship if at all possible.
However if she does decide to forgive him and move on she has to do just that. She can't be insecure, worry and stalk his every move. She can't throw it up in his face during heated arguments or ever period for that matter. She has to never speak of it again and truly forgive. Doesn't mean forget he lied just forgive and move on. I think the relationship can be saved since they both really want it.
Todays lesson is resentment. Sometimes you have to push past the hurt if u wanna make it to the future. It takes more strength to stay and work it out than it does to walk away.
In my experience men lie about the dumbest shit. A lot of time they won't even be doing anything wrong and they will lie because it simply doesn't look right. The dumb thing is when u do that you hurt someone you care about with the actual lie and not even what u were lying about. Make sense?
My friend caught her man in what wasn't exactly a lie but a lie by omission. He wasn't doing anything wrong except not communicating what was going on in his life. Keeping secrets in relationships is a no no.
So when asked my advice I told her what any good friend would. As much as you wanna scream, yell, curse and break up with him you now know his crime. He didn't cheat, he fessed up and the relationship can be saved. I'm all for saving the relationship if at all possible.
However if she does decide to forgive him and move on she has to do just that. She can't be insecure, worry and stalk his every move. She can't throw it up in his face during heated arguments or ever period for that matter. She has to never speak of it again and truly forgive. Doesn't mean forget he lied just forgive and move on. I think the relationship can be saved since they both really want it.
Todays lesson is resentment. Sometimes you have to push past the hurt if u wanna make it to the future. It takes more strength to stay and work it out than it does to walk away.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Somebody Just Like You
I was raised in a traditional southern household with traditional southern morals and values for the most part as far as relationships go. My parents were married for over 30years before my father died. They played the traditional husband and wife role. He took care of the bills and she took care of the house. She was the submissive wife and catered to my dad.
Growing up seeing this showed me this is what a relationship between a husband and wife should look like. Me being a virgo woman I'm already submissive by nature and my upbringing reinforced that in me.
I've always wanted that traditional type relationship. The only problem is when you submit to your mate it should be someone you trust. My exhusband used to take the teachings of the bible and turn them to abuse me. He used to yell at me to learn my role and submit to him. There was but one problem. I didn't trust him enough to lead me.
In the bible it says woman is to submit to her husband but also that husbands should love their wives the way Christ loved the church. Christ loved the church so much he sacraficed his life. My exhusband did not love me in that way which is why I couldn't trust him to submit to him.
Submission to me means he is on his journey and I trust him enough to lead me on mine as well. You cannot submit to a man who you don't trust or who isn't living right.
I've often said I have no desire to wear the pants in a relationship because I look better in a dress anyway. I've often found myself in relationships with men who need someone to take care of them. I have a nurturing nature and a need to care for those around me so I often attract that man.
So what makes me think the "he" I'm with now is the one?
When I get in clean up woman mode he shuts me right down and says "I know you mean well but I got this" and I actually trust him enough to sit down and let him handle it knowing it will be ok. We have power struggles from time to time as I am used to fixing everything for everybody, but he doesn't need me for that. I don't have to be his superwoman and fix his life. I can simply be his helpmate which is how God intended for the relationship between man and woman to be.
It doesn't feel forced. From day one its felt natural to put my hand in his and let him lead. Now I have to just get used to being with someone who isn't so needy. Afterall this is what I always wanted.
Growing up seeing this showed me this is what a relationship between a husband and wife should look like. Me being a virgo woman I'm already submissive by nature and my upbringing reinforced that in me.
I've always wanted that traditional type relationship. The only problem is when you submit to your mate it should be someone you trust. My exhusband used to take the teachings of the bible and turn them to abuse me. He used to yell at me to learn my role and submit to him. There was but one problem. I didn't trust him enough to lead me.
In the bible it says woman is to submit to her husband but also that husbands should love their wives the way Christ loved the church. Christ loved the church so much he sacraficed his life. My exhusband did not love me in that way which is why I couldn't trust him to submit to him.
Submission to me means he is on his journey and I trust him enough to lead me on mine as well. You cannot submit to a man who you don't trust or who isn't living right.
I've often said I have no desire to wear the pants in a relationship because I look better in a dress anyway. I've often found myself in relationships with men who need someone to take care of them. I have a nurturing nature and a need to care for those around me so I often attract that man.
So what makes me think the "he" I'm with now is the one?
When I get in clean up woman mode he shuts me right down and says "I know you mean well but I got this" and I actually trust him enough to sit down and let him handle it knowing it will be ok. We have power struggles from time to time as I am used to fixing everything for everybody, but he doesn't need me for that. I don't have to be his superwoman and fix his life. I can simply be his helpmate which is how God intended for the relationship between man and woman to be.
It doesn't feel forced. From day one its felt natural to put my hand in his and let him lead. Now I have to just get used to being with someone who isn't so needy. Afterall this is what I always wanted.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Where My Girls At
I had a issue with one of my girlfriends where she was certain that I was low key flirting with her boyfriend. I have a boyfriend of my own so I'm not tryna mess with another man let alone the man of one of my friends.
All of my friends are pretty cool with my boyfriend so I didn't think it was an issue that I was cool with this guy casually since he does deal with my friend.
The thing about me is I rarely offer my friendship, because when I do offer my friendship it is genuine and real. When I give my friendship I expect the same thing in return.
A lot of women are sneaky and deceitful so I'm not upset at my friend for expecting this of me, simply because I'm sure shes been dogged by people who were wolf in sheep's clothing and only pretended to be friend but weren't. Instead I'm saddened that women are so competitive we would rather tear each other down than support one another.
I'm glad that I decided to sit down with her and address the issue instead of waiting on her to bring it to me.
All of my friends are pretty cool with my boyfriend so I didn't think it was an issue that I was cool with this guy casually since he does deal with my friend.
The thing about me is I rarely offer my friendship, because when I do offer my friendship it is genuine and real. When I give my friendship I expect the same thing in return.
A lot of women are sneaky and deceitful so I'm not upset at my friend for expecting this of me, simply because I'm sure shes been dogged by people who were wolf in sheep's clothing and only pretended to be friend but weren't. Instead I'm saddened that women are so competitive we would rather tear each other down than support one another.
I'm glad that I decided to sit down with her and address the issue instead of waiting on her to bring it to me.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Back Down Memory Lane
I swear Jessica and I have some crazy conversations. Just the other day we were discussing mattresses. As you know I'm gearing up for a move. I told her I'm trashing my mattress and my bed and getting new. No way I'm sleeping with my boyfriend in a bed that I've smashed others in. Especially when I chose to pretend his sex life prior to me doesn't exist I don't want him haunted by ghost of jump offs past. Jessica just purchased a new mattress and said shes feeling particular about who smashes on it as well. We refer to it as a virginal mattress. The way we see it is those mattresses could be marital beds. I don't wanna sleep on a bed he screwed someone else in either. New beds should be purchased when u get serious lol
Weekend Love
I was chatting with someone on bbm with someone and the subject of weekend lovers came up somehow. He said weekend lovers suck cause sometimes you need attention during the week. I told him my boyfriend lives 600 miles away sometimes all we got is the weekend. We done somehow made this thing work for 8 months now. I don't know why that impresses people so much. Relationships are hard work but anything worth having is worth working for.
Its crazy cause everybody has something to say about the situation. How do you make it work? Are you guys faithful? Whats gonna happen when you move? Why cant you find someone in your city?
We make it work because this is what we want. He deals with the separation differently than I do. I have my kids to occupy my time and he doesn't have that. The idea of missing me is hard for him and he doesn't allow himself to think about it. Sometimes he doesn't give as much as I would like but he is himself I accept that. Besides I'm not clingy or needy. Whats important is I know if I need him hes gonna be there for me.
Are we faithful? Absolutely. Funny thing is when we met I was seeing someone who lived up the street from me. It wasn't serious but definitely heading there. He was gonna be an out of town fling. I broke it off with the guy who lived up the street to be with him. So I had a guy up the street, I could see whenever and I cheated. I have a man who lives 640 miles away and the thought of cheating never crosses my mind. I could but I wouldn't because I believe hes the one. Do I think he cheats on me? Not at all. I trust him. If I didn't trust him we woulda never made it this far. Besides hes been there done that and hes ready to settle down as well.
When I move we are definitely not living together at first for a lot of reasons. I love my space and so does he. I love the feeling of the newness of it all. The way he blushes when I look at him and I still smile at just the thought of him. I'm not ready to give that feeling up yet. Relationships get old fast once you start playing house. I remember going to see him and spending 12hours on planes and in airports being pissed off when I finally landed and looking at him and instantly getting over it. He has that affect on me. When I look at him or hear his voice everything is ok.
True I could find someone in my city and closer to my age but I don't want to. I want him. I think hes the one. I do turn down men in my city everyday. There is someone who has been after me and says "don't cheat yourself treat yourself" cheating myself would be cheating on him. That's why its so easy to say naw I'm good.
Its crazy cause everybody has something to say about the situation. How do you make it work? Are you guys faithful? Whats gonna happen when you move? Why cant you find someone in your city?
We make it work because this is what we want. He deals with the separation differently than I do. I have my kids to occupy my time and he doesn't have that. The idea of missing me is hard for him and he doesn't allow himself to think about it. Sometimes he doesn't give as much as I would like but he is himself I accept that. Besides I'm not clingy or needy. Whats important is I know if I need him hes gonna be there for me.
Are we faithful? Absolutely. Funny thing is when we met I was seeing someone who lived up the street from me. It wasn't serious but definitely heading there. He was gonna be an out of town fling. I broke it off with the guy who lived up the street to be with him. So I had a guy up the street, I could see whenever and I cheated. I have a man who lives 640 miles away and the thought of cheating never crosses my mind. I could but I wouldn't because I believe hes the one. Do I think he cheats on me? Not at all. I trust him. If I didn't trust him we woulda never made it this far. Besides hes been there done that and hes ready to settle down as well.
When I move we are definitely not living together at first for a lot of reasons. I love my space and so does he. I love the feeling of the newness of it all. The way he blushes when I look at him and I still smile at just the thought of him. I'm not ready to give that feeling up yet. Relationships get old fast once you start playing house. I remember going to see him and spending 12hours on planes and in airports being pissed off when I finally landed and looking at him and instantly getting over it. He has that affect on me. When I look at him or hear his voice everything is ok.
True I could find someone in my city and closer to my age but I don't want to. I want him. I think hes the one. I do turn down men in my city everyday. There is someone who has been after me and says "don't cheat yourself treat yourself" cheating myself would be cheating on him. That's why its so easy to say naw I'm good.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Control part1
I was left seething today because of an incident involving my mother and my sister. My mother often butts in and meddles with my parenting style in front of my kids which I find highly inappropriate. She accuses me of treating my 2 kids differently alot. She's right about that I do. They are two different people so I respect their individuality and treat them accordingly. I don't love one more than the other I just love them differently.
I took my kids to visit her today because she complains if I don't bring them over. I can count on one hand how many times she has come to my place to see them but that's a different blog for a different day. When we walked in she had cooked and my son said he was hungry. He wasn't really hungry but kids always say stuff like that. She fixes him a plate. Then she pulls out something to give my other son. I asked her not to give it to him because I was fixing spaghetti at my house for dinner. My mother ignored me and gave it to him anyway. At this point my son admits he didn't want to eat his plate so I made him eat it. I stood over him and fed it to him. Derek has aspergers and some days he doesn't want to eat. I don't let him starve and there have been many days I have had to stand and make him eat. No big deal to us. My mother didn't like it and first she says "you didn't make Donovan eat it" This is her attempt to say I love Donovan more than Derek. I told her I didn't have to make Donovan eat because she gave Donovan something I said he couldn't have and under minded my authority. At this point she had nothing to say and comes back with "I don't wanna watch u force feed him so take him home"
A discussion in which I tell her how I parent my kids is none of her business. It really isn't any of her business. I could see if my kids were in danger or neglected but they aren't. Aside of typical little boys stuff I have really good kids. If my parenting wasn't up to parr they wouldn't be so good. Everywhere I go people tell me how good my kids are. My mother essentially said since she cant butt in and tell me how to raise my kids then to take them home and not bring them back. I think thats unfair to my boys. I dont like their daddy much and I never keep them from him. I know she was mad and frustrated when she said it but it should had never been said. The whole situation is completely inappropriate.
My sister doesn't like the discussion because my mom is dead wrong and cant win this one. She decides to butt in. We had a huge fight in 2009 where she picked a fight with me and she didn't win. We have not spoken since even though I did buy her a gift that year. So until today we ain't spoke at all. She then tells me that I abuse my kids and she was gonna call CPS to have them taken away. That's when I lost it. She is 25, lives at home and cannot take care of herself yet she wanna pass judgement on me. She works everyday, sees my mother struggling and doesn't even offer to pay a bill. I'm beyond mad and threaten to whoop her ass like I did 2 years ago at which point she picks up her phone and threatens to call the police.
Those who know me know I'm a pretty laid back and even tempered chick. Her saying she wanted to get my kids taken away from me she went entirely too far.
When is it acceptable for someone who doesn't have kids to pass judgement on the way one raises their kids? When is it acceptable for anyone to butt in?
I took my kids to visit her today because she complains if I don't bring them over. I can count on one hand how many times she has come to my place to see them but that's a different blog for a different day. When we walked in she had cooked and my son said he was hungry. He wasn't really hungry but kids always say stuff like that. She fixes him a plate. Then she pulls out something to give my other son. I asked her not to give it to him because I was fixing spaghetti at my house for dinner. My mother ignored me and gave it to him anyway. At this point my son admits he didn't want to eat his plate so I made him eat it. I stood over him and fed it to him. Derek has aspergers and some days he doesn't want to eat. I don't let him starve and there have been many days I have had to stand and make him eat. No big deal to us. My mother didn't like it and first she says "you didn't make Donovan eat it" This is her attempt to say I love Donovan more than Derek. I told her I didn't have to make Donovan eat because she gave Donovan something I said he couldn't have and under minded my authority. At this point she had nothing to say and comes back with "I don't wanna watch u force feed him so take him home"
A discussion in which I tell her how I parent my kids is none of her business. It really isn't any of her business. I could see if my kids were in danger or neglected but they aren't. Aside of typical little boys stuff I have really good kids. If my parenting wasn't up to parr they wouldn't be so good. Everywhere I go people tell me how good my kids are. My mother essentially said since she cant butt in and tell me how to raise my kids then to take them home and not bring them back. I think thats unfair to my boys. I dont like their daddy much and I never keep them from him. I know she was mad and frustrated when she said it but it should had never been said. The whole situation is completely inappropriate.
My sister doesn't like the discussion because my mom is dead wrong and cant win this one. She decides to butt in. We had a huge fight in 2009 where she picked a fight with me and she didn't win. We have not spoken since even though I did buy her a gift that year. So until today we ain't spoke at all. She then tells me that I abuse my kids and she was gonna call CPS to have them taken away. That's when I lost it. She is 25, lives at home and cannot take care of herself yet she wanna pass judgement on me. She works everyday, sees my mother struggling and doesn't even offer to pay a bill. I'm beyond mad and threaten to whoop her ass like I did 2 years ago at which point she picks up her phone and threatens to call the police.
Those who know me know I'm a pretty laid back and even tempered chick. Her saying she wanted to get my kids taken away from me she went entirely too far.
When is it acceptable for someone who doesn't have kids to pass judgement on the way one raises their kids? When is it acceptable for anyone to butt in?
Friday, April 15, 2011
My All
I'm a Virgo as those of you have been following this blog know. Virgo's are highly emotional people but only inside. On the exterior we do come off cold and heartless. When a Virgo loves you we love you with everything we have in us and we will give you the world. We just do not like to be in our emotions. I admit I get super sensitive when I PMS. I always say I'm an emotional PMSer but other than that you will never see that side of me.
I usually show my love to those around me by fixing their lives problems and making sure they are happy and taken care of. That's just me and its how I operate. Its how I show my love. Those small details that have been over looked a million times before by others in the past I see them.
I recently had a discussion with my man where I had to let him know the things I do for him are not to make him like me more but because if I see something that's making him feel off balance and I can fix it then its in my nature to do so. By me taking the initiative to do so that's one less thing he has to worry about. Hes happier and him being happier makes me happy. I think that's the reason why we actually work. Hes a Leo and we are supposed to be incompatible, but my need and desire for order in my life and wanting to give it to him as well is what makes us work.
I love when I'm in a position where I can bring order in someone elses life. I need order in my life and creating it for those I love makes me feel balanced. This would explain why I love being a mommy so much and also why I have chosen to go into nursing.
I usually show my love to those around me by fixing their lives problems and making sure they are happy and taken care of. That's just me and its how I operate. Its how I show my love. Those small details that have been over looked a million times before by others in the past I see them.
I recently had a discussion with my man where I had to let him know the things I do for him are not to make him like me more but because if I see something that's making him feel off balance and I can fix it then its in my nature to do so. By me taking the initiative to do so that's one less thing he has to worry about. Hes happier and him being happier makes me happy. I think that's the reason why we actually work. Hes a Leo and we are supposed to be incompatible, but my need and desire for order in my life and wanting to give it to him as well is what makes us work.
I love when I'm in a position where I can bring order in someone elses life. I need order in my life and creating it for those I love makes me feel balanced. This would explain why I love being a mommy so much and also why I have chosen to go into nursing.
For The Record
My love and I have gone round and round about whether to let the public know we are an item. I say yes why hide it and he says no because he feels like folks meddling in the situation could come between us. I always said they could only do that if we let them. I'm beginning to see his point. I completely trust him and I know he doesn't deny our relationship if questioned about it and I know he wants to be with me so that's not the issue.
I see his point because there are 2 people I follow on twitter. For a while all you saw between these two people was my husband this, my love that, support my mans project and my boo is hot. Here lately the NEVER tweet each other anymore. He did have alot of thirsty groupie chicks hanging on his every last tweet. She was constantly tweeting to remind others he had a girlfriend. I guess it got to be to much for them and they ended things. I see she is tweeting about wanting love like she was before. I don't know if they split up but I'm assuming they have. Guess she couldn't handle the thirstiness of his female followers. Sad thing is they were a long distance relationship and I'm sure they never even met in person.
I see my boos point of view about holding what we have sacred and protecting it from the outside world now. Seeing his point of view actually lets me know he cares way more than I even thought he did before. So if you follow me you see that I might tweet that we have hung out but I no longer refer to him as my man. Its just no ones business. We're still together and we're still happy but all anyone needs to know is neither of us is on the market anymore. If I feel the need to talk about him I always have my blogspot anyway :-)
I see his point because there are 2 people I follow on twitter. For a while all you saw between these two people was my husband this, my love that, support my mans project and my boo is hot. Here lately the NEVER tweet each other anymore. He did have alot of thirsty groupie chicks hanging on his every last tweet. She was constantly tweeting to remind others he had a girlfriend. I guess it got to be to much for them and they ended things. I see she is tweeting about wanting love like she was before. I don't know if they split up but I'm assuming they have. Guess she couldn't handle the thirstiness of his female followers. Sad thing is they were a long distance relationship and I'm sure they never even met in person.
I see my boos point of view about holding what we have sacred and protecting it from the outside world now. Seeing his point of view actually lets me know he cares way more than I even thought he did before. So if you follow me you see that I might tweet that we have hung out but I no longer refer to him as my man. Its just no ones business. We're still together and we're still happy but all anyone needs to know is neither of us is on the market anymore. If I feel the need to talk about him I always have my blogspot anyway :-)
Independent Women
I was engaging in a conversation yesterday about role reversal in today's relationships. Men who are soft, women are breadwinners and such. I blame Beyonce for this so-called independent woman movement. She preaches thru her music to young girls that you don't need a man for shit unless he can do something for you and also that the things he does for you are things you can do for yourself. My question is this....why even be with a man if you don't need him. While shes telling you to tell him "if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it" shes happily married to her prince charming.
I personally never could buy into all of that. I was raised in the south and I have traditional southern values. My parents were married for over 30 years before my father passed away. I prefer the traditional role in my relationship. He is the man and he wears the pants because I look better in a skirt anyway. Don't get me wrong I'm currently running my own household and I can do that on my own but whatever man comes into the picture I realize I'm gonna have to step down and let him take that role and follow his lead. I have no problem doing this, I want to do this. I could never be with a man who didn't know how to be a man. I would never respect him.
It says in the bible that a woman is her mans help mate. He who finds a wife finds a good thing. I doesn't say anywhere in there she who finds a husband or to run over top of him, dominate and emasculate him. Chilvary is not dead but why should he treat you like a lady when you wanna wear the pants?
This is just my point of view.
I personally never could buy into all of that. I was raised in the south and I have traditional southern values. My parents were married for over 30 years before my father passed away. I prefer the traditional role in my relationship. He is the man and he wears the pants because I look better in a skirt anyway. Don't get me wrong I'm currently running my own household and I can do that on my own but whatever man comes into the picture I realize I'm gonna have to step down and let him take that role and follow his lead. I have no problem doing this, I want to do this. I could never be with a man who didn't know how to be a man. I would never respect him.
It says in the bible that a woman is her mans help mate. He who finds a wife finds a good thing. I doesn't say anywhere in there she who finds a husband or to run over top of him, dominate and emasculate him. Chilvary is not dead but why should he treat you like a lady when you wanna wear the pants?
This is just my point of view.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I just read something somewhere that says "a wise girl kisses but doesnt love, listens but doesnt believe and leaves before she is left" I immediately thought to myself well then that girl isn't so wise afterall. Isn't love and taking chances a part of life. You truely haven't lived unless you have experienced some sort of hurt, pain or loss. I think thats what's wrong with todays world. Everyone wants everything handed over without having to put any effort forth to obtain it. Like the woman who wants the wedding and gets frustrated when she learns she has to work on the actual marriage part of the relationship. If you want the wedding so bad then just throw yourself a big party, wear the fancy dress and leave the innocent bystander out of it.
I myself am a work in progress. I'm learning to trust God and step out on faith because my biggest fear is being that wise girl who didnt live.
I myself am a work in progress. I'm learning to trust God and step out on faith because my biggest fear is being that wise girl who didnt live.
Friday, February 11, 2011
motherhood
Being a mom is the most tiresome, underpaid, overworked thankless yet rewarding job I have ever had in my life! I remember when I was 21 and expecting my first son. I was scared to death of the responsibility of taking care of someone else. When he was born I was afraid to go home from the hospital with him. I just knew I was gonna break him or hurt him somehow, but I didn't.
When my 2nd baby was born only 22months later and had to stay in the hospital I cried because I came home empty handed. My journey in motherhood has taken me thru NICU visits, sitting up countless nights doing albuterol treatments, fevers, stomach bugs, strange rashes and surgeries(my youngest was born with extra appendages). I wouldn't trade any of those experiences for nothing in this world.
Everytime I look at my boys I get overwhelmed by how much I love them. I'm amazed everyday by the little people they are becoming with their own likes dislikes and cute personalities. Motherhood is a gift and I hope to experience it atleast once more
When my 2nd baby was born only 22months later and had to stay in the hospital I cried because I came home empty handed. My journey in motherhood has taken me thru NICU visits, sitting up countless nights doing albuterol treatments, fevers, stomach bugs, strange rashes and surgeries(my youngest was born with extra appendages). I wouldn't trade any of those experiences for nothing in this world.
Everytime I look at my boys I get overwhelmed by how much I love them. I'm amazed everyday by the little people they are becoming with their own likes dislikes and cute personalities. Motherhood is a gift and I hope to experience it atleast once more
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Just A Thought
I see so many women try to trap men with babies. For some reason they think that bringing a child into an already shaky situation will make it better. In essence what they are doing is bringing an innocent bystander in the situation. A lot of times if the guy was raised right he will marry the chick because he wants to do the "right thing" by her. Me personally,I would wanna know he is with me because this is where he wants to be and not because he feels he is obligated to fulfill some duty. This is one reason why there are so many African American children being raised in broken homes.
I personally would like to be married before I have anymore babies so I'm taking every precaution to prevent an unwanted pregnancy at this point. Being a single mom is really hard and I get real pissed off when I see chicks doing this on purpose.
I personally would like to be married before I have anymore babies so I'm taking every precaution to prevent an unwanted pregnancy at this point. Being a single mom is really hard and I get real pissed off when I see chicks doing this on purpose.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I Cant Get Enough Of You
A friend of mine was up late on twitter complaining about his wife snoring and keeping him up. I always thought he, his wife and their 2 girls were the cutest and I couldn't help respond to the tweet. I told him at least he can hear her snoring and to appreciate.
Made me think of my lover who lives 600 miles away. I would give anything to hear him snore in my ear every night. When we are able to be together his snoring never keeps me up. I lay up under him and go right to sleep. Being away from him for weeks at a time between visits makes me appreciate all he little things most other couples over look and take for granted.
I absolutely love the way he smacks me on the thigh when I walk past him, the way his eyes dance and his bottom lip curls when he gets tickled. I'm even found of the way he snores and how my clothes smell like cigarette smoke when I come from visits.
In relationships we tend to only love the good things about a person and get irritated by the bad. Next time your lover does something that irritates you take a moment, and think they could be somewhere else irritating someone else and not you. Appreciate them the good and the bad that comes with that person.
I love to hear my boyfriend snore
Made me think of my lover who lives 600 miles away. I would give anything to hear him snore in my ear every night. When we are able to be together his snoring never keeps me up. I lay up under him and go right to sleep. Being away from him for weeks at a time between visits makes me appreciate all he little things most other couples over look and take for granted.
I absolutely love the way he smacks me on the thigh when I walk past him, the way his eyes dance and his bottom lip curls when he gets tickled. I'm even found of the way he snores and how my clothes smell like cigarette smoke when I come from visits.
In relationships we tend to only love the good things about a person and get irritated by the bad. Next time your lover does something that irritates you take a moment, and think they could be somewhere else irritating someone else and not you. Appreciate them the good and the bad that comes with that person.
I love to hear my boyfriend snore
Monday, January 17, 2011
My Favorite Scar
Sept 4th 2007 is a day I barely remember yet a day I will never forget. I learned so many lessons in that one day. Everything actually started Sept 2nd. I was 32 weeks pregnant and I woke up feeling really horrible. My shoulders hurt and the backs of my legs were so sore I couldn't stand. My feet were swollen but that comes with being pregnant. Things got so bad that my mother and one of my girlfriends had to come over to my home and help take care of me and my 1 year old son while my now ex husband was at work. I could barely walk to the bathroom on my own. By 5 am the next morning I was desperate. I called the on call physician and asked her what I could have for the pain. She told me to just come on in and let her look me over. Derek and I dropped our son at my parents house and proceeded to the hospital. Upon examination they discovered I was in labor. Full blown labor. 5 centimeters dilated and 100% effaced. Which means my cervix had thinned out and was preparing for the baby to come a full 8 weeks early. We discussed my options and I chose to try and stay pregnant as long as I could. I got 2 injections of beta methadone in both hips to help mature the baby's lungs just in case he did come early and I got hooked up to magnesium sulfate to try to stop my labor. Magnesium sulfate made me feel like somebody set my body on fire on the inside. Once inside my room as I am trying to cool off and get comfortable the intercom goes off. I hear them calling all of these different doctors and specialist STAT. I looked at Derek and said "boy somebody is in a real bad way" Imagine my surprise when all of those people came through my door with all their equipment. They weighed the baby, measured the baby, looked at his heartbeat and a bunch of other things. They were trying to prepare me for if my baby was born early and I had never been so afraid in my whole life. I knew Donovan was going to have to come early because of this condition I developed during pregnancy called cholestasis. It affects 1 in 1000 pregnant women. Meaning my liver did not do its job at all and it spilled bile into my bloodstream and Donovan's blood stream. I was planning to get induced a few weeks later on my sister's birthday. For 36 more hours I laid hooked up to this medication that made me feel like I was on fire. It was truly a labor of love. It was determined the medication was not stopping my labor so they turned it off. At this point I'm 6centimeters dilated. I still planned to have a natural childbirth with no drugs even after this. Things did not go as I planned. After 40 hours my body was so weak I couldn't stand it and I begged for the epidural. I felt like a complete loser at this point because I didn't hang in there like I did with my first baby. It was wonderful to be able to get out of bed after giving birth the first time and I was looking forward to it again. After it was determined Donovan was coming and there was nothing anyone could do they broke my water to speed up my labor. My water was green which meant there was menconuim in it. Menconium is when the baby has a bowel movement inutero due to stress. So Donovan could had possibly swallowed his menconium and then I developed a fever. On top of that his heart rate would drop every time I had a contraction. My doctor came in my room with one of those this baby needs to come out now its him or you. I didn't even flinch or think I just simply said "lets do it" They gave me a spinal on top of the epidural I had already received then something to drink that tasted like battery acid, put a patch behind my ear and gave me a shot of morphine. At 7:01pm my beautiful blessing was born via c-section. Donovan LaBron Bell. 5lbs 5 1/2 oz and 17 inches long. I barely got to lay eyes on him and he was gone to the NICU. I remember being in the recovery room and being all doped up. Various members of my family came in to tell me they got to see the baby and how pretty he was. When my sister came in something came over me. I had such a bad feeling. I made her swear to me if anything happened to me she would love my kids as if they were her own. She teared up and told me not to talk like that but I just had this feeling something was terribly wrong. I was right. I blacked out numerous times in that recovery room. Couldn't breathe on my own for a while.We now know I was suffering from toxemia poisoning. Toxemia alone by itself will kill you. I had an enlarged heart, fluid in both lungs and dangerously low levels of potassium. Basically I was barely hanging on. No one in my family told me exactly what was going on. I had a feeling it was bad the next day when I kept begging to be with my baby and the staff wouldn't let me see him. One nurse said she had to stabilize me. I felt fine so what was that about. I wanted to just look at him because I didn't even know what he looked like. I finally got to be with him when he was 24hours old. He was so beautiful even with all the tubes and IVs. I was instantly in love.
They had blown all my veins and I had to get my blood pressure taken in my ankle. If my condition didn't kill me the horrible treatment I was receiving would. One night after being there way longer than the usual 72hr c-section stay I had gotten so fed up with the whole situation I sat up in my bed and I cried and I prayed that God would make me better so I could take my baby and leave that place. The next day I was better and I got to go home a few days later after more than a week there. Donovan got to come home the following week a day after my birthday. They say preemies usually stay until their due date which would had meant November for him but he was determined and he came home. My c-section scar is my favorite scar because every time I look at it I am reminded how fragile life is. Here today gone today. I try to now live my life everyday in a way that if I were to pass away that day I would die happy. I cherish my family I cherish my friends and I cherish every blessing God has given me. I am so amazed by my now 3 year old son. I look at how far he has come and how you cannot even tell he was a preemie he is all the way caught up with other kids his age and may even be a little more advanced. That year was a tough year on me. My dad passed away (Donovan looks exactly like him) and my marriage ended. Every time I feel as if I cannot go on any further I look at my baby and I look down at my scar and I am reminded that I made it through things most people cant imagine. I can get through anything.
Im Not Over You
I know I blogged about the tumultuous relationship between my ex husband and I before. I have a DVO (domestic violence order) against him. Here in my state they are really difficult to get and alot of women have died at the hands of ex lovers. Mine came with a no contact order which I have violated myself because I do have to share my kids with him.
He has begged me to drop the order many times once even bribing me by buying me tickets to a party the weekend of my birthday and babysitting the boys so I could go but I refused. I figure if so many women have a hard time getting one and I had one it should stand.
I had to move around alot when we first split and my kids lacked a stable home as we were just staying with whoever would let us stay for the first 6mos. If you have seen the movie Enough and remember how he stalked her and threatened to kill her numerous times was way similar. I kept waiting on the credits to roll and they never fuckin would. He played on my phone I changed my number. He broke into my car once so I sold it and got another one. I started seeing a guy casually shortly after we split he stalked him at his job.
I would go downtown to report him and they treated me as if I was the criminal when I would go in to make reports so I just stopped. I rented a house not far from my mother and lived peacefully for almost a year and he found me. He came while I was sleeping ate chicken wings and dumped the bones on my back stoop, dug up one of my shrubs and sliced my tire. 2months later I moved to my current address. I have been here almost 2years and for the most part no problems. I have had nightmares about him breaking in here and waken up in a cold sweat before. I know he knows where I live though. He works for the local light and gas company. My utilities have gotten shut of several times even though the bill had been paid and just a few weeks again another tire got slashed.
My domestic violence order is up next month. Its already been 3years. He has moved on with his life for appearances sake. He has even gotten remarried but the fact of the matter is he isn't done with me. One of his ex girlfriends said she left him because she felt like she lived in my shadow and like he could never be into her because he still cared so much about me. I know hes still in love with me because he harbors so much hatred and resentment towards me. After all the line between love and hate is so thin if you have enough energy to hate someone you still love them. I feel so sorry for his wife. Has to suck to be married to someone who isn't in love with you.
I don't really think he wants me back. I think he is just very bitter towards me for actually getting the guts to leave. The thing about him is this; hes a sociopath. He wanted to create this image of the perfect life with the perfect wife, the perfect kids and the perfect home. He wanted the image of the young black family living the American dream. Majority of our fights were because I couldn't live up to his standard of perfection.
I do believe he hasn't gotten over the fact that I let the world know he didn't have that perfect life when I walked out of the situation and he is bitter because he didn't get to decide when it was over. Hes not over me and the only thing he knows to do with those feelings is hurt me.
I pray for him that he finds something to do with his anger, resentment hurt and love but in the meantime since my dvo is about to expire I'm getting a gun and changing the code on my security system.
He has begged me to drop the order many times once even bribing me by buying me tickets to a party the weekend of my birthday and babysitting the boys so I could go but I refused. I figure if so many women have a hard time getting one and I had one it should stand.
I had to move around alot when we first split and my kids lacked a stable home as we were just staying with whoever would let us stay for the first 6mos. If you have seen the movie Enough and remember how he stalked her and threatened to kill her numerous times was way similar. I kept waiting on the credits to roll and they never fuckin would. He played on my phone I changed my number. He broke into my car once so I sold it and got another one. I started seeing a guy casually shortly after we split he stalked him at his job.
I would go downtown to report him and they treated me as if I was the criminal when I would go in to make reports so I just stopped. I rented a house not far from my mother and lived peacefully for almost a year and he found me. He came while I was sleeping ate chicken wings and dumped the bones on my back stoop, dug up one of my shrubs and sliced my tire. 2months later I moved to my current address. I have been here almost 2years and for the most part no problems. I have had nightmares about him breaking in here and waken up in a cold sweat before. I know he knows where I live though. He works for the local light and gas company. My utilities have gotten shut of several times even though the bill had been paid and just a few weeks again another tire got slashed.
My domestic violence order is up next month. Its already been 3years. He has moved on with his life for appearances sake. He has even gotten remarried but the fact of the matter is he isn't done with me. One of his ex girlfriends said she left him because she felt like she lived in my shadow and like he could never be into her because he still cared so much about me. I know hes still in love with me because he harbors so much hatred and resentment towards me. After all the line between love and hate is so thin if you have enough energy to hate someone you still love them. I feel so sorry for his wife. Has to suck to be married to someone who isn't in love with you.
I don't really think he wants me back. I think he is just very bitter towards me for actually getting the guts to leave. The thing about him is this; hes a sociopath. He wanted to create this image of the perfect life with the perfect wife, the perfect kids and the perfect home. He wanted the image of the young black family living the American dream. Majority of our fights were because I couldn't live up to his standard of perfection.
I do believe he hasn't gotten over the fact that I let the world know he didn't have that perfect life when I walked out of the situation and he is bitter because he didn't get to decide when it was over. Hes not over me and the only thing he knows to do with those feelings is hurt me.
I pray for him that he finds something to do with his anger, resentment hurt and love but in the meantime since my dvo is about to expire I'm getting a gun and changing the code on my security system.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Then Theres You!!!!
2011 is a new year and im so excited about all that comes with it. The amazing guy I blogged about during the latter part of last year well our relationship reached a turning point in late November. We both realized it was indeed very real and after a series of talks we decided its best to take that leap of faith and im going to go ahead and relocate. I had talked about moving and toyed with the idea but it was really just and idea a big what if. I love the city he lives in. We vacationed there ever year when I was a kid and I always wanted to move there. I had actually looked at attending the HBCU thats there back in 2001. Applied and got accepted then got scared to be to far from my family and didnt go.
One thing I learned is Gods timing is ALWAYS perfect. When I met him I had just had a discussion with my mom about my relationship status. She just kept saying that it was time for me to date seriously and that my boys needed a positive male role model. She told me to pray and ask God to send me somebody. I was kinda seeing someone at the time it wasnt serious but I was getting to know that person and then I met him. I do admit I didnt expect anything serious to come from it at first. Just some flirting or whatnot. Then he wanted me to go to his birthday party and be his date. I was kinda hesitant at first when u meet your twitter boo then they cant be your twitter boo anymore. Plus im scary about meeting people from the net in real life. I finally gave in and decided to go.
I had really only planned to hang out with him and have a quick fling and leave it at that. When we met the chemistry was AMAZING but that first kiss is what did it. I will never as long as I live forget how amazing it was. Thats when it was no longer a fling.
Fastforward 5 almost 6months later the newness of it all has completely worn off and I still feel the same way. Its not only the sexual chemistry but I truely enjoy him. We have tons in common and we enjoy alot of the same things so we can hang out and have a really good time ejoying eachothers company.
Im so excited about the future and starting my life over and the move and everything that comes with it.
One thing I learned is Gods timing is ALWAYS perfect. When I met him I had just had a discussion with my mom about my relationship status. She just kept saying that it was time for me to date seriously and that my boys needed a positive male role model. She told me to pray and ask God to send me somebody. I was kinda seeing someone at the time it wasnt serious but I was getting to know that person and then I met him. I do admit I didnt expect anything serious to come from it at first. Just some flirting or whatnot. Then he wanted me to go to his birthday party and be his date. I was kinda hesitant at first when u meet your twitter boo then they cant be your twitter boo anymore. Plus im scary about meeting people from the net in real life. I finally gave in and decided to go.
I had really only planned to hang out with him and have a quick fling and leave it at that. When we met the chemistry was AMAZING but that first kiss is what did it. I will never as long as I live forget how amazing it was. Thats when it was no longer a fling.
Fastforward 5 almost 6months later the newness of it all has completely worn off and I still feel the same way. Its not only the sexual chemistry but I truely enjoy him. We have tons in common and we enjoy alot of the same things so we can hang out and have a really good time ejoying eachothers company.
Im so excited about the future and starting my life over and the move and everything that comes with it.
I Didnt Mean To Turn You On
I used to be an aspiring singer/songwriter/actress. I have given up on all this because it seems I cant seem to get very far. While I have talent the entertainment world is a male dominated world. There is something about me where all men want to try me. Im not drop dead beautiful or anything like that but i definitely sexy. I cant help it I have tons of sexy appeal about me couldnt turn it off if I tried and frankly I dont want to. With that said music producers always seem to fall for my type. Feelings get caught and I always shoot em down which means things end badly. I used to work for a guy at a club and I didnt realize we were in a relationship until he found out I slept with another party promoter. He said I was gonna have a bad reputation for sleeping with that guy and he no longer needed me and also recast my role in his movie even though he had initially wrote that character just for me. No I never slept with him and thats what the problem was.
I had another guy offer me a spot on his radioshow. After I accepted he let me know his interest in me was personal as well as professional. When I shot him down he locked my radio show and wouldnt let me on the air.
One situation the producer actually quit taking my calls because he had indeed developed feelings for me which I knew but I ignored him. Most recently I had someone do me oh so dirty behind me not giving him ass. He would only hit me up when he knew I was with my boyfriend and when he got tired of me ignoring him he refused to work with me.
I honestly just dont feel like dealing with the "little boys" so these days I only sing in the shower.
I had another guy offer me a spot on his radioshow. After I accepted he let me know his interest in me was personal as well as professional. When I shot him down he locked my radio show and wouldnt let me on the air.
One situation the producer actually quit taking my calls because he had indeed developed feelings for me which I knew but I ignored him. Most recently I had someone do me oh so dirty behind me not giving him ass. He would only hit me up when he knew I was with my boyfriend and when he got tired of me ignoring him he refused to work with me.
I honestly just dont feel like dealing with the "little boys" so these days I only sing in the shower.
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