I know I blogged about the tumultuous relationship between my ex husband and I before. I have a DVO (domestic violence order) against him. Here in my state they are really difficult to get and alot of women have died at the hands of ex lovers. Mine came with a no contact order which I have violated myself because I do have to share my kids with him.
He has begged me to drop the order many times once even bribing me by buying me tickets to a party the weekend of my birthday and babysitting the boys so I could go but I refused. I figure if so many women have a hard time getting one and I had one it should stand.
I had to move around alot when we first split and my kids lacked a stable home as we were just staying with whoever would let us stay for the first 6mos. If you have seen the movie Enough and remember how he stalked her and threatened to kill her numerous times was way similar. I kept waiting on the credits to roll and they never fuckin would. He played on my phone I changed my number. He broke into my car once so I sold it and got another one. I started seeing a guy casually shortly after we split he stalked him at his job.
I would go downtown to report him and they treated me as if I was the criminal when I would go in to make reports so I just stopped. I rented a house not far from my mother and lived peacefully for almost a year and he found me. He came while I was sleeping ate chicken wings and dumped the bones on my back stoop, dug up one of my shrubs and sliced my tire. 2months later I moved to my current address. I have been here almost 2years and for the most part no problems. I have had nightmares about him breaking in here and waken up in a cold sweat before. I know he knows where I live though. He works for the local light and gas company. My utilities have gotten shut of several times even though the bill had been paid and just a few weeks again another tire got slashed.
My domestic violence order is up next month. Its already been 3years. He has moved on with his life for appearances sake. He has even gotten remarried but the fact of the matter is he isn't done with me. One of his ex girlfriends said she left him because she felt like she lived in my shadow and like he could never be into her because he still cared so much about me. I know hes still in love with me because he harbors so much hatred and resentment towards me. After all the line between love and hate is so thin if you have enough energy to hate someone you still love them. I feel so sorry for his wife. Has to suck to be married to someone who isn't in love with you.
I don't really think he wants me back. I think he is just very bitter towards me for actually getting the guts to leave. The thing about him is this; hes a sociopath. He wanted to create this image of the perfect life with the perfect wife, the perfect kids and the perfect home. He wanted the image of the young black family living the American dream. Majority of our fights were because I couldn't live up to his standard of perfection.
I do believe he hasn't gotten over the fact that I let the world know he didn't have that perfect life when I walked out of the situation and he is bitter because he didn't get to decide when it was over. Hes not over me and the only thing he knows to do with those feelings is hurt me.
I pray for him that he finds something to do with his anger, resentment hurt and love but in the meantime since my dvo is about to expire I'm getting a gun and changing the code on my security system.
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