My Favorite Scar

Sept 4th 2007 is a day I barely remember yet a day I will never forget. I learned so many lessons in that one day. Everything actually started Sept 2nd. I was 32 weeks pregnant and I woke up feeling really horrible. My shoulders hurt and the backs of my legs were so sore I couldn't stand. My feet were swollen but that comes with being pregnant. Things got so bad that my mother and one of my girlfriends had to come over to my home and help take care of me and my 1 year old son while my now ex husband was at work. I could barely walk to the bathroom on my own. By 5 am the next morning I was desperate. I called the on call physician and asked her what I could have for the pain. She told me to just come on in and let her look me over. Derek and I dropped our son at my parents house and proceeded to the hospital. Upon examination they discovered I was in labor. Full blown labor. 5 centimeters dilated and 100% effaced. Which means my cervix had thinned out and was preparing for the baby to come a full 8 weeks early. We discussed my options and I chose to try and stay pregnant as long as I could. I got 2 injections of beta methadone in both hips to help mature the baby's lungs just in case he did come early and I got hooked up to magnesium sulfate to try to stop my labor. Magnesium sulfate made me feel like somebody set my body on fire on the inside. Once inside my room as I am trying to cool off and get comfortable the intercom goes off. I hear them calling all of these different doctors and specialist STAT. I looked at Derek and said "boy somebody is in a real bad way" Imagine my surprise when all of those people came through my door with all their equipment. They weighed the baby, measured the baby, looked at his heartbeat and a bunch of other things. They were trying to prepare me for if my baby was born early and I had never been so afraid in my whole life. I knew Donovan was going to have to come early because of this condition I developed during pregnancy called cholestasis. It affects 1 in 1000 pregnant women. Meaning my liver did not do its job at all and it spilled bile into my bloodstream and Donovan's blood stream. I was planning to get induced a few weeks later on my sister's birthday. For 36 more hours I laid hooked up to this medication that made me feel like I was on fire. It was truly a labor of love. It was determined the medication was not stopping my labor so they turned it off. At this point I'm 6centimeters dilated. I still planned to have a natural childbirth with no drugs even after this. Things did not go as I planned. After 40 hours my body was so weak I couldn't stand it and I begged for the epidural. I felt like a complete loser at this point because I didn't hang in there like I did with my first baby. It was wonderful to be able to get out of bed after giving birth the first time and I was looking forward to it again. After it was determined Donovan was coming and there was nothing anyone could do they broke my water to speed up my labor. My water was green which meant there was menconuim in it. Menconium is when the baby has a bowel movement inutero due to stress. So Donovan could had possibly swallowed his menconium and then I developed a fever. On top of that his heart rate would drop every time I had a contraction. My doctor came in my room with one of those this baby needs to come out now its him or you. I didn't even flinch or think I just simply said "lets do it" They gave me a spinal on top of the epidural I had already received then something to drink that tasted like battery acid, put a patch behind my ear and gave me a shot of morphine. At 7:01pm my beautiful blessing was born via c-section. Donovan LaBron Bell. 5lbs 5 1/2 oz and 17 inches long. I barely got to lay eyes on him and he was gone to the NICU. I remember being in the recovery room and being all doped up. Various members of my family came in to tell me they got to see the baby and how pretty he was. When my sister came in something came over me. I had such a bad feeling. I made her swear to me if anything happened to me she would love my kids as if they were her own. She teared up and told me not to talk like that but I just had this feeling something was terribly wrong. I was right. I blacked out numerous times in that recovery room. Couldn't breathe on my own for a while.We now know I was suffering from toxemia poisoning. Toxemia alone by itself will kill you. I had an enlarged heart, fluid in both lungs and dangerously low levels of potassium. Basically I was barely hanging on. No one in my family told me exactly what was going on. I had a feeling it was bad the next day when I kept begging to be with my baby and the staff wouldn't let me see him. One nurse said she had to stabilize me. I felt fine so what was that about. I wanted to just look at him because I didn't even know what he looked like. I finally got to be with him when he was 24hours old. He was so beautiful even with all the tubes and IVs. I was instantly in love.
They had blown all my veins and I had to get my blood pressure taken in my ankle. If my condition didn't kill me the horrible treatment I was receiving would. One night after being there way longer than the usual 72hr c-section stay I had gotten so fed up with the whole situation I sat up in my bed and I cried and I prayed that God would make me better so I could take my baby and leave that place. The next day I was better and I got to go home a few days later after more than a week there. Donovan got to come home the following week a day after my birthday. They say preemies usually stay until their due date which would had meant November for him but he was determined and he came home. My c-section scar is my favorite scar because every time I look at it I am reminded how fragile life is. Here today gone today. I try to now live my life everyday in a way that if I were to pass away that day I would die happy. I cherish my family I cherish my friends and I cherish every blessing God has given me. I am so amazed by my now 3 year old son. I look at how far he has come and how you cannot even tell he was a preemie he is all the way caught up with other kids his age and may even be a little more advanced. That year was a tough year on me. My dad passed away (Donovan looks exactly like him) and my marriage ended. Every time I feel as if I cannot go on any further I look at my baby and I look down at my scar and I am reminded that I made it through things most people cant imagine. I can get through anything.