I know I talked about my most recent breakup in the last blog entitled Marvin's Room but I didnt really tell the real deal. I wasnt ready to tell it all then, partly because I didnt know how I really felt. I recently came to terms with my real feelings about my ex boyriend.
Last Monday I started recieving these strange text messages from a Rhode Island number. I dont know anybody in Rhode Island so it was beyond strange. This person claimed they were my exboyfriend. He said alot of shit only my ex and I would know about. I then figured out it was my ex. He had gotten a google voice account that lets you have an annonymous number to text from. He did this so he could text and harass me and if I decided to tell anybody he could deny it and say I was delusional like he had said I was about everything else. Those text brought on feelings I had buried deep inside and forgot about ever feeling. I run a blogtalk radio show and decided to finally come forward with my story.
The story I am about to tell here is not told with the intent to slander him or out o bitterness. I am telling this story because there are so many women out there who deal with married men and get painted as homewrecking whores and it is not always the case.
My ex boyriend is married. I knew this majority of our relationship.
We met on twitter and he came after me. He insisted I come be his date for his birthday weekend. He flew me out and took care of my accomadations. Upon meeting in person I admit I was not physically attracted to him, but I had prostituted myself out for lack of a better word and I had to go through with the weekend. I caught him in the first of many lies this weekend. He had told me he was 36 turning 37 and he was indeed 43 turning 44. I looked at his drivers liscense when he took me shopping and used his credit card. He also has a tattoo with his date of birth on it. I called him on it and asked what else he was hiding. He said nothing and I should had been done then but I was stuck there for 3 more days. We hit it off and it turned out to be an amazing weekend despite my earlier reservations.
Once I found out he was married and had been seperated for a year and a half prior to meeting me I asked him why he wasnt divorced and he said she lived in a different city and he just hadnt made the time to go up there and take care of it. I shoulda put on my running shoes and dipped right then and there but I didnt. Instead I said I wouldnt pressure him to divorce but if we get more serious he should take care of it.
In November I bust him in lie number 2. I always stayed in hotels when visiting him because he and his dad shared a house. He decided to take me home when I visit over Thanksgiving and imagine my surprise when I discover his mom lives there also and its her house.
Mom tells me she knows he must really love me. She can always tell when he is dating a woman but she never sees them. She has only met like 3 women he has been with. She also tells me how much she dislikes his ex wife and hates that his father still wanted to stay in touch with my boyfriends exwifes children. Thanksgiving is also significant because not only did I meet his family but his wife found out we were dating via facebook.
Around NewYears we were in the car listening to the Fantasia cd and he made a remark about her being a home wrecking slut. I was like wait im sleeping with a married man. This is where he tells me not for much longer, because he talked to the ex after she saw he was dating me she agreed to get divorced and it would be final around tax time.
Tax time came and went and no divorce.
When his father passed away in July and he asked me not to come I felt like his exwife or should I say wife was in the picture. I didn't ask any questions because I didn't want to bother him while he was grieving.
I came face to face with her a few months later in a way I never imagined. His phone rang and I realized it was in my possession. I've had his phone so many times and never went thru it before. That day was different. Like mama always said if you go lookin for trouble u will find it. I found it. Going thru his phone confirmed that she had indeed been in the picture since his fathers death and they were friends. What happened next I can't even begin to make up.
I got dressed and went to his house and rang the doorbell. She answered the door. I told her I was his girlfriend and she told me her name. Instead of makin a scene I simply asked him to get in my car and go for a ride with me. He had a few objections at first but I made it clear he had no choice and he got in my car. I drove him to a secluded area, which by the way he was afraid cause he didn't know where we were. I pulled the car over and asked a lot of questions. I knew the answers to these questions but I wanted to see if he would be honest. He lied and I knew he lied.
I honestly tried to forgive him and I did. Forgiveness is easy its the rebuilding after it falls apart that's hard and well he didn't try to work on rebuilding so it fell apart.
Before we broke up I cheated. Not out of anger or hurt but because its how Virgo women do. We will contemplate a breakup before we actually do it. Then we will sleep with someone else to break our connection to you and then we say its over. Well before I could say it was over his mother died. I made the decision to see him through his grief and not walk away while he was down. Well he asked me not to come to her funeral because he didn't want to explain our relationship to his family. What does that matter tho? Because his wife was there. That was the final straw for me. We can't be friends because of that alone. He totally disrespected me with that one.
We broke up on a Thursday night and Friday I was with someone else. Saturday as he's getting dressed to go bury his mother I was crawling out of another mans bed.
We have all done stupid stuff for the sake of being in love or thinkin we are in love but I'm glad to say I learned from my mistakes. This is my fault because I shoulda never been with a married man. See in my mind it was ok because he hadn't seen or been involved with her in over a year when we met but it wasn't ok. Never again will I try to make something mine that belongs to someone else.
I'm tired of him telling people I'm bitter when that's not the case. Truth is I was over him when I slept with someone else before we broke up....
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