I know I talked about my most recent breakup in the last blog entitled Marvin's Room but I didnt really tell the real deal. I wasnt ready to tell it all then, partly because I didnt know how I really felt. I recently came to terms with my real feelings about my ex boyriend.
Last Monday I started recieving these strange text messages from a Rhode Island number. I dont know anybody in Rhode Island so it was beyond strange. This person claimed they were my exboyfriend. He said alot of shit only my ex and I would know about. I then figured out it was my ex. He had gotten a google voice account that lets you have an annonymous number to text from. He did this so he could text and harass me and if I decided to tell anybody he could deny it and say I was delusional like he had said I was about everything else. Those text brought on feelings I had buried deep inside and forgot about ever feeling. I run a blogtalk radio show and decided to finally come forward with my story.
The story I am about to tell here is not told with the intent to slander him or out o bitterness. I am telling this story because there are so many women out there who deal with married men and get painted as homewrecking whores and it is not always the case.
My ex boyriend is married. I knew this majority of our relationship.
We met on twitter and he came after me. He insisted I come be his date for his birthday weekend. He flew me out and took care of my accomadations. Upon meeting in person I admit I was not physically attracted to him, but I had prostituted myself out for lack of a better word and I had to go through with the weekend. I caught him in the first of many lies this weekend. He had told me he was 36 turning 37 and he was indeed 43 turning 44. I looked at his drivers liscense when he took me shopping and used his credit card. He also has a tattoo with his date of birth on it. I called him on it and asked what else he was hiding. He said nothing and I should had been done then but I was stuck there for 3 more days. We hit it off and it turned out to be an amazing weekend despite my earlier reservations.
Once I found out he was married and had been seperated for a year and a half prior to meeting me I asked him why he wasnt divorced and he said she lived in a different city and he just hadnt made the time to go up there and take care of it. I shoulda put on my running shoes and dipped right then and there but I didnt. Instead I said I wouldnt pressure him to divorce but if we get more serious he should take care of it.
In November I bust him in lie number 2. I always stayed in hotels when visiting him because he and his dad shared a house. He decided to take me home when I visit over Thanksgiving and imagine my surprise when I discover his mom lives there also and its her house.
Mom tells me she knows he must really love me. She can always tell when he is dating a woman but she never sees them. She has only met like 3 women he has been with. She also tells me how much she dislikes his ex wife and hates that his father still wanted to stay in touch with my boyfriends exwifes children. Thanksgiving is also significant because not only did I meet his family but his wife found out we were dating via facebook.
Around NewYears we were in the car listening to the Fantasia cd and he made a remark about her being a home wrecking slut. I was like wait im sleeping with a married man. This is where he tells me not for much longer, because he talked to the ex after she saw he was dating me she agreed to get divorced and it would be final around tax time.
Tax time came and went and no divorce.
When his father passed away in July and he asked me not to come I felt like his exwife or should I say wife was in the picture. I didn't ask any questions because I didn't want to bother him while he was grieving.
I came face to face with her a few months later in a way I never imagined. His phone rang and I realized it was in my possession. I've had his phone so many times and never went thru it before. That day was different. Like mama always said if you go lookin for trouble u will find it. I found it. Going thru his phone confirmed that she had indeed been in the picture since his fathers death and they were friends. What happened next I can't even begin to make up.
I got dressed and went to his house and rang the doorbell. She answered the door. I told her I was his girlfriend and she told me her name. Instead of makin a scene I simply asked him to get in my car and go for a ride with me. He had a few objections at first but I made it clear he had no choice and he got in my car. I drove him to a secluded area, which by the way he was afraid cause he didn't know where we were. I pulled the car over and asked a lot of questions. I knew the answers to these questions but I wanted to see if he would be honest. He lied and I knew he lied.
I honestly tried to forgive him and I did. Forgiveness is easy its the rebuilding after it falls apart that's hard and well he didn't try to work on rebuilding so it fell apart.
Before we broke up I cheated. Not out of anger or hurt but because its how Virgo women do. We will contemplate a breakup before we actually do it. Then we will sleep with someone else to break our connection to you and then we say its over. Well before I could say it was over his mother died. I made the decision to see him through his grief and not walk away while he was down. Well he asked me not to come to her funeral because he didn't want to explain our relationship to his family. What does that matter tho? Because his wife was there. That was the final straw for me. We can't be friends because of that alone. He totally disrespected me with that one.
We broke up on a Thursday night and Friday I was with someone else. Saturday as he's getting dressed to go bury his mother I was crawling out of another mans bed.
We have all done stupid stuff for the sake of being in love or thinkin we are in love but I'm glad to say I learned from my mistakes. This is my fault because I shoulda never been with a married man. See in my mind it was ok because he hadn't seen or been involved with her in over a year when we met but it wasn't ok. Never again will I try to make something mine that belongs to someone else.
I'm tired of him telling people I'm bitter when that's not the case. Truth is I was over him when I slept with someone else before we broke up....
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Marvin's Room
On Christmas I had 2 missed calls from my ex. One at 3:04am and the other at 3:22am. I had deleted his number from my phone, but visual voicemail sent me a text message with his name saying I missed 2 calls from him. I called back, no answer so I text him and say if you need to call I'm up. He text me back saying he didn't mean to call me and it was a buttdial. Bullshit on the play right? 2 calls and twenty minutes apart? Everybody knows u only ass dial the last number you called or one on speed dial and also you cant butt dial on a touchscreen. I have a touchscreen myself. He then takes to twitter to discuss it only to be met by my baby sister in my head Najla who basically calls the bullshit on the play. He wanted to tell her why we broke up but she really wasn't interested in hearing the story. She and I had the most epic bbm chat while all this went on. She said niggas shouldnt get drunk and listen to Drake on Christmas.
I was told the next day he referred to me as the devil and said I was running around telling lies and how he never set out to do me wrong, yet he had prepared to go to war but changed his mind and was gonna let it go.
I honestly thought that Christmas phone call was gonna be an apology for the 5 day twitter rant and 6 page blog he wrote about me.
I'm gonna be honest that rant and blog hurt....a lot. I don't see how you do something like that to someone and then say you never set out to hurt them. I felt like he had been planning to do that and just needed the right reason to do it. He claimed I was bitter over our break up and set out against him with the radio show we ran together. Baically what happened is he got a big ego and alienated the people we worked with. They came to me with their complaints and I sent him an emailing detailing who said what. He immediately takes to twitter to talk about this evil email I sent and how bitter I was and the email was bitter. He posted the email I sent him on his blog and people have came back and said they couldn't find the bitter part in it.
Truth is by the time all of this went down and the email was sent I was more than good with the break up and really interested in someone else.
We broke up on a Thursday and that Friday I was out with someone else. If you follow me on twitter you saw "Novacane tweets" a lot. That's what he was, he numbed the pain. I don't know if it was because I was hurting but that was hands down the best sexual experience I have had to date and it definitely numbed the pain. As my ex was getting up to go to his mothers funeral I was barely getting out of Novacane's bed. I know its tacky but its the Virgo way. I believe our emotions are tied to sex and the best way to get over one man is to get under another. The more I slept with Novacane the less the breakup hurt. Don't worry Novacane is someone I have known for a while and definitely not a random. He's actually a good friend but that's another blog.
The situation with my ex got real sticky because I slept with him after we agreed to remain friends. The things that he said that night left me feeling confused the morning after and I felt like shit. The main thing that fucked me up was him saying "maybe this isnt goodbye, maybe we'll find our way back to each other". I knew it was over between us and immediately regretted that encounter.
So fast forward to the rant and the blog. I didn't read the blog because I knew it would anger me, but I was told what was in it. It was also brought to my attention any and everybody who would listen has heard all kinds of personal details of our relationship and break up.
I'm not gonna address what was said by him. We all know hurt people hurt people. He and I know the truth behind why we really broke up and we both know the truth behind our relationship and that's good enough for me. I know he thinks I'm talking about him but he's getting his info from a woman I was friends with who is mad because I talked to a man she was into. The deal behind that is she introduced him to me as her friend and he and I were attracted and hes the real reason I spent Halloween weekend in Atlanta. It later came out she liked the guy after he and I were already into eachother. So if my ex is not smart enough to figure out there is a reason someone who was once so close to me is set out to tell him my business now and wants to believe it that's on him.
Like I said hurt people hurt people. He lost his mom, his dad and his cousin and we broke up all in a short period of time and that has to be hard.
When I said I hoped his rant and his blog gave him closure I meant that, however I dont think it did. It did initially hurt that he would go to those extremes and if hurting me was the intention mission accomplished but im over it and im over him. I forgive him for everything. The breakup and everything that came after. Life is too short to hold grudges and be bitter. Im into someone else and I dont want him to pay for the mistakes of my ex so I have no choice but to forgive if I want to see a future with someone else.
As far as my ex goes I pray that he finds his peace and is able to move on. I also pray that he sees the people he considers friends arent his friends. Several of his so called friends have came at me with offers to fly me out because they wanna spend time with me. At the end of the day they read the blog and rant and said "he really loved her and I wanna fuck her so I can rub his face in it" I dont hate my ex and I love myself too much to play into that. I've moved on and I pray one day he does as well. The war he was prepared to go to was a war he started when he wrote the blog and the rant. Though I could totally go there with him, why air the dirty laundry of our breakup? I'm just not bitter enough to go there. For those who wonder why I dont speak out and address him, well thats too easy. It didnt work out and we're not gonna get back together. War with him proves nothing. Its better to just forgive...
I was told the next day he referred to me as the devil and said I was running around telling lies and how he never set out to do me wrong, yet he had prepared to go to war but changed his mind and was gonna let it go.
I honestly thought that Christmas phone call was gonna be an apology for the 5 day twitter rant and 6 page blog he wrote about me.
I'm gonna be honest that rant and blog hurt....a lot. I don't see how you do something like that to someone and then say you never set out to hurt them. I felt like he had been planning to do that and just needed the right reason to do it. He claimed I was bitter over our break up and set out against him with the radio show we ran together. Baically what happened is he got a big ego and alienated the people we worked with. They came to me with their complaints and I sent him an emailing detailing who said what. He immediately takes to twitter to talk about this evil email I sent and how bitter I was and the email was bitter. He posted the email I sent him on his blog and people have came back and said they couldn't find the bitter part in it.
Truth is by the time all of this went down and the email was sent I was more than good with the break up and really interested in someone else.
We broke up on a Thursday and that Friday I was out with someone else. If you follow me on twitter you saw "Novacane tweets" a lot. That's what he was, he numbed the pain. I don't know if it was because I was hurting but that was hands down the best sexual experience I have had to date and it definitely numbed the pain. As my ex was getting up to go to his mothers funeral I was barely getting out of Novacane's bed. I know its tacky but its the Virgo way. I believe our emotions are tied to sex and the best way to get over one man is to get under another. The more I slept with Novacane the less the breakup hurt. Don't worry Novacane is someone I have known for a while and definitely not a random. He's actually a good friend but that's another blog.
The situation with my ex got real sticky because I slept with him after we agreed to remain friends. The things that he said that night left me feeling confused the morning after and I felt like shit. The main thing that fucked me up was him saying "maybe this isnt goodbye, maybe we'll find our way back to each other". I knew it was over between us and immediately regretted that encounter.
So fast forward to the rant and the blog. I didn't read the blog because I knew it would anger me, but I was told what was in it. It was also brought to my attention any and everybody who would listen has heard all kinds of personal details of our relationship and break up.
I'm not gonna address what was said by him. We all know hurt people hurt people. He and I know the truth behind why we really broke up and we both know the truth behind our relationship and that's good enough for me. I know he thinks I'm talking about him but he's getting his info from a woman I was friends with who is mad because I talked to a man she was into. The deal behind that is she introduced him to me as her friend and he and I were attracted and hes the real reason I spent Halloween weekend in Atlanta. It later came out she liked the guy after he and I were already into eachother. So if my ex is not smart enough to figure out there is a reason someone who was once so close to me is set out to tell him my business now and wants to believe it that's on him.
Like I said hurt people hurt people. He lost his mom, his dad and his cousin and we broke up all in a short period of time and that has to be hard.
When I said I hoped his rant and his blog gave him closure I meant that, however I dont think it did. It did initially hurt that he would go to those extremes and if hurting me was the intention mission accomplished but im over it and im over him. I forgive him for everything. The breakup and everything that came after. Life is too short to hold grudges and be bitter. Im into someone else and I dont want him to pay for the mistakes of my ex so I have no choice but to forgive if I want to see a future with someone else.
As far as my ex goes I pray that he finds his peace and is able to move on. I also pray that he sees the people he considers friends arent his friends. Several of his so called friends have came at me with offers to fly me out because they wanna spend time with me. At the end of the day they read the blog and rant and said "he really loved her and I wanna fuck her so I can rub his face in it" I dont hate my ex and I love myself too much to play into that. I've moved on and I pray one day he does as well. The war he was prepared to go to was a war he started when he wrote the blog and the rant. Though I could totally go there with him, why air the dirty laundry of our breakup? I'm just not bitter enough to go there. For those who wonder why I dont speak out and address him, well thats too easy. It didnt work out and we're not gonna get back together. War with him proves nothing. Its better to just forgive...
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