Friends how many of us have them

It's been a while since my last post and this one is gonna be rather lengthy.   

I recently ended a friendship with someone I've known more than half my life and it sucks cause I thought we were friends. 

It all started on my daughters bday. She called and asked me the party plans and then immediately asked how me and my boyfriend were doing. I told her we're great, better than we have been in a long time. She then proceeds to tell me she has something to tell me and if it were her boyfriend she would wanna know. I'm thinking what do you have on my boyfriend. We live together and we're Velcro with the exception of work we're joint at the hip pretty much. 

She proceeds to tell me that when I'm not around he acts like he's single. That he's telling people we aren't together and that we just raise our daughter together. She said he tried to exchange numbers with another girl. She won't give me the details like who gave her this information or who the girl was. So what am I supposed to do with this "hey babe you acting single when I'm not around" and he says no and that's the end of it.  So I asked her where did she get this info and she again refused to tell me.  My thing is this how are you gonna give me half the story and expect me to react and why won't you give up your source if I'm your friend? She then proceeds to tell me the source could be Jesus himself and I would still believe him over her. So now she's not giving me the source and she's expecting me to just take her word for it. Her credible source might not be a credible source to me. 

Well I thought long and hard about it. Has to be someone he works with. And I was right. The "source" started making subliminal Facebook and Instagram post the next day. It was a girl who went to high school with us. This same girl hit on him last summer and he told her he had a girlfriend and a new baby.  Now had my friend gave me the name of the source we coulda moved past it. So I ask her a few days later. Is it..... And she says no it was someone else. At this point you're a liar so we can't be friends anymore. Also you're lying and covering for someone we have sat up and talked and gossiped about. Now makes me wonder what kinda gossip you was doing about me when she was telling you my man cheats cause she sure ate that information up and loves it.  

Long story short the source was confronted about spreading a lie by him and by me. If I didn't believe him before I really believed him when I heard him tell her to get a life and stay off his dick and stop tryna ruin his homelife and fuck up his family. I felt like if he was hiding something he wouldn't had wanted to confront her. I then told her what my "friend" said about how she looked like she bought her dress from a pea in a pod maternity. Guess she didn't like that cause she went back to my "friend" and I got a very nasty text message. Now if we were indeed friends she woulda gave me all the info so I could handle it. Her source only wanted to remain a secret because she was lying. Her source told her she wanted to avoid drama at work but that was also a lie. If you don't want drama you don't post shit about me on Facebook and Instagram but maybe my friend was an idiot. If she was my friend when she saw those post she woulda came to my defense not lie and say "I didn't see it I don't follow her" especially when I saw you comment on her pictures. 

Do you know this bitch "the source" tried to tell me she was only trying to help by posting subliminal post and pics and calling me ugly. Swear I'm so confused by this. So yes I told her what was said about her wedding gown and her weight. Who cares. They won't be gossiping about me anymore. 

Upon further investigation from a 3rd party,he wasn't cheating which I knew. But according to the source first he said I was single then he said I was fat so he was exploring other options and wanted to spend his birthday with the other girl. So again I'm confused. Am I fat and he is looking for something else or are we just not together? Also his birthday is our anniversary, but I'm sure she didn't know that. How would he spend that away from me? I swear folks can't even lie right.  As for my weight my body is better now than it was pre pregnancy and we have an amazing sex life so obviously he loves it. 

This is why you can't trust people. No my relationship is far from perfect but I get to live with someone who bends over backwards to take care of me and will do anything to see me smile. There's a lot of love and fun in my house. Also at the time this "supposedly" happened we were sharing a car cause mine was broke down. On top of that he asked me to help with a project he was working on so we could spend more time together.  That bullshit story made absolutely no sense at all but I'm gonna let them be great. 

Misery loves company so I hope those miserable bitches are happy cause they can't have my company I'm booked right now. 

Happiness

November is 30 days of thankfulness month. While I have so much to be thankful for I am so thankful real love has finally found me. I get butterflies in my stomach when he says my name. I blush when he looks at me and then he laughs and says look at your cheeks and I blush even harder.
It's been many times I wanted to walk away simply because I was afraid of my feelings and afraid of being hurt, but he wouldn't let me go. I'm thankful for that.
What I'm most thankful for is all the mistakes and bad choices that led me to this point. He often says he wishes he and I had gotten together before some of those other women he dealt with. But I on the other hand am grateful we didn't. I dated some real assholes. Even married one. I'm not sure who was the worst the jerk after my divorce or the last asshole I dated. I actually got pregnant by that loser. I aborted that baby and told everyone I lost it in a wreck simply because I envisioned him in my life for years to come and I just couldn't do it.
Truth is we did date a long time ago when I was still in high school. I was about 17 then. He says he wishes we stayed together but I'm convinced there were some lessons in life I needed to learn and he as well and we wouldn't had made it back then.
We have bad days just like anyone else but even on those bad days I wouldn't want to be with anybody else.
What I am most thankful for is the life that we have created. I am so looking forward to becoming a mother again and to be able to do this with my best friend is beyond amazing. If everything goes according to plan she will be born via csection on his birthday so if you are reading this please keep us in your prayers.

Wishful Thinking

While watching Keyshia and Daniel family first my whole twitter timeline was filled with tweets like "I want a relationship like theirs". Why do we always covet someone else's relationship? Today it's Keyshia and Daniel. Tomorrow will be Barack and Michelle and next week we gonna wanna be Bey and Jay. Honestly I can't worry about anyone's relationship except that of my own.
My relationship is not perfect, but none of the ones listed above are. Those couples in the public eye have good days and bad days just like the rest of us the difference is you won't see them discussing the negative and putting it on front street.
I have had people who have been in the same room as me and my man talk about how perfect we are together and how good he is for me. Well that's because I don't go running to my girlfriends complaining everytime he gets on my last damn nerve. And trust me there have been those days. I get on his nerves alot also and I know he doesn't go running to everyone and they mama on those days.
When you have two people who truly love each other and are committed to stickin it out no matter what you can build on that and cling to it on those days when you ain't really feeling each other.
I can say I have stripped down, bared my soul and made all my flaws transparent and he looked at me and said I'm not scared of you. He saw that I wasn't perfect and everyday wasn't gonna be sunny and he sticks by me. As I do him. Is it perfect? Hell naw it ain't its far from it. Anytime you have two people trying to learn how to merge their lives together and be one there will be bumps. Takes years to get that shit right. But we're committed to it and because of that we'll make it. I just realized we speak about 4 different love languages between us and that causes alot of misunderstanding and confusion at times as we are both showing love for the other in the manner of which we wish to receive it. How I wanna be loved and how he wants to be loved are two totally different ways. We'll work that out too. I can honestly say he's my best friend we talk everything thru.
If you put more energy into your relationship instead of coveting the relationships of others you can have that seemingly perfect relationship we see in the media. The type of love our grandparents had.

Moment for life

It's amazing how you can be over someone and not really get over what they've done to you. My last relationship, my ex told everyone I was delusional and there was no relationship. So I found myself questioning my new love constantly needing that reassurance that he is indeed into me and this is real not only on my end but in his eyes as well. I am fortunate enough to have an amazing guy who has no issue letting me know everyday as often as I need to hear it. So this is what it feels like to have someone say "I love you no matter what and I have your back"
Our biggest argument is whether or not we should live together before we get married or not. I say we need at least a year and he says we need to jump the broom before shacking up lol. Listening to my friends talk about their trifling ass boyfriends and remembering the bullshit I've been thru I'm thankful that things didn't work out with us 11 years ago. I'm thankful for all the bad relationships and seeing what love isn't so now I can recognize what it's supposed to be. We seriously wouldn't had appreciated each other if we got serious all those years ago. I rarely redate someone I've dated before but I'm so thankful I decided to give it a chance this time. I've found my thunder buddy for life *if you haven't seen Ted the thunder buddy probably means nothing to you*. Loving someone and having them love you back just as much. Amazing feeling

Green Eyes

"my eyes are green cause I eat a lot of vegetables. It aint got nothin to do with your new friend" I recently learned one of the most important lessons in my life. Misery really love company. I've decided misery cannot have mine tho life is going pretty well. I had these 3 women who I considered friends. They knew eachother thru me and from what I understand didn't really care for eachother like that. I have watched these women form a bond over their hatred and jealousy of me. I went thru a really messy breakup with someone that played out on social media. My exboyfriend is an arrogant pompous jerk who is old enough to be someones grandfather and clubs like he's still 18. He wrote this infamous blog about how he wasn't feeling me. Honestly he wasn't feeling me makin him grow up and act his age. The messiness of it all was the most humiliating thing I've experienced to date. Why would these women who are supposed to be my friends continue a relationship with someone who did that to me. He lives out of state so its not like ya'll can hang out with him. I can't tell anyone who to be friends with but if you weren't really friends with him until after we broke up and things got messy why are you friends with him now? Shit hit the fan when I started dating someone new. One of these "friends" is telling people I made up a boyfriend in my head. For what and to impress whom? I suppose I created his facebook page, added all those friends and photoshopped him in all those pictures together right? Then this miserable person proceeds to call me a whore via subtweet on twitter of course cause she's not as big and bad as she wants people to think. My response to this was "I'm grown and unless you're fuckin me who and what I do with MY pussy is none of your concern" This is the same chick who is miserable with her babyfather. She hasn't wanted to be with him since before her now 1yr old son was even conceived. She feels stuck so yeah I see why she liked it when I was with a man who treated me like shit and got mad when I found someone who wants to treat me right. When I confronted her about it she immediately backed down saying she wasn't talkin about me smh. Not so Billy Bad Ass after all huh? One of the other chicks is a loner. No one really likes her and she will suck up, kiss ass whatever she gotta do to feel like she's in the group and that people like her. She's completely spineless. One night she sat up on twitter at 3am and had a discussion about me with my ex where he told her he was only talkin to her and the other two chicks to make me mad. She then swaps phone numbers with him and they have a 2hr conversation about me after which they both come back and tweet how enlightened they were after talking. What the entire fuck??? Someone saw this and let me know about it and yes I slayed her ass in public view. In a totally separate situation someone I considered a close friend was growing increasingly jealous of my new relationship. She even once told me to tell my man he shouldn't be with me everytime she called because he was cutting in on her time smh. Umm we're young, in love and its a new love yeah we're together a lot get over it. She picked a fight with me over something petty and insisted on falling all the way out over it. Ok cool if that's how you feel. I posted a facebook status "I asked God to show me my enemies and I lost friends" it was true and how I felt at the moment. Imagine my surprise when she inboxed me and said "I know that status was about me and let me tell you something no one is jealous of your relationship". It all makes sense now. That fight she picked was because she was indeed jealous. Naturally I'm beating myself up all these fall outs back to back. What did I do wrong? What is my role in all of this? Then it hit me. I'm embarking on a new journey with a man who is not only my lover but my bestfriend and not everyone can go with us. Just like you have to prune a flower and cut weeds and dead leaves off so it can continue to grow I had to lose certain people from mine so I can grow. Yeah its painful but its necessary. Its life and that season of my life is over.

Nothing Even Matters

Lately I aint been myself because I met the man of my dreams. See his words are perfection he says all the right things ;-)
I know I haven't blogged much this year, but guess what ya'll. I am in LOVE. I'm talking about crazy can't get enough of his kisses, 2 minutes apart is entirely too long, I just want to inhale him love.
I never believed in love at first sight until now. Something happened when he pulled me into his lap and we kissed that night by the river, under the moon. We experienced an insane, unique connection most people only dream about but never experience in real life. I swear it was like something from a movie. He's amazing and I'm so lucky to have him in my life.
Craziest thing is we dated 11yrs ago briefly and neither of us remember why we stopped talking back then.
Now we're together and I feel as if the whole entire world wants to rip us apart. I refuse to let anything or anybody come between us.
Its kind of sad I've actually lost people I considered friends because they couldn't handle me being insanely, disgustingly happy. You would think people who care for you would want you happy and not question your actions. At the end of the day I really canNOT worry about their feelings or motives. What other people feel or think of me is really none of my business anyway.
I'm ready to crawl back into our little bubble, where its just he and I, our kids and whoever else we choose to let in with us on any given day. Everything is so perfect and easy when its just he and I.
I've learned 2 things here. One, when its perfect you can't put time restraints on what you feel. Just go for it. B...misery loves company and those miserable, thirsty, cumbuckets can NOT have my company. I'm busy my bestfriend wants to spend the rest of his life with me :-)

Mr Wrong

What makes a man already in a relationship look for a relationship with another woman? This seems like a pattern in my life. I seem to attract men who are emotionally unavailable. It would be one thing if they only wanted to sleep with me, but these men are actually trying to establish a bond or relationship with me. One of my friends joked with me a few days ago about being a boyfriend theif and she was right. I do sleep with other womens boyfriends. I always say "if he was my man he wouldn't cheat" and also "if these brawds would tighten up their game I wouldn't be able to sleep with their boyfriends" and its true.
Since January I have been celibate. I made a decision to not have sex because I feel like I have so much more to offer than my body. I almost broke my vow recently with someone I've known for a while. We've had sex before, but we've never been romantically linked until recently. He started coming on really strong and was pretty adamant about getting my time and attention. I started to take him seriously for once instead of viewing him as the occasional booty call like before. We made an agreement to get to know each other and just see where it leads. Well it finally came out he has a live in girlfriend. How do I feel about that? Well honestly I really don't care. He just put himself back into the emergency dick in the glass case category as far as I'm concerned. I finally really understand what JayZ meant when he said "when a good girls gone, she's gone forever" because now I could never take him serious as far as getting to know him and considering a relationship. I will say this ladies you gotta tighten up if u want your man to stay home, but also if you're like me and notoriously the other woman you have to stop that shit. Its women like me who make it possible for men like him to cheat.